First, if you happened to find this post after searching for anything related to P90X, know that this is a personal blog and not one of those awful sites made to look like an honest review of the product that was actually made by someone pushing the product they are criticizing. That said, I’m free to say whatever the Hell I want or need to say about it because nobody is giving me one red cent to say it.
This leads up to last night when I was scouring the Web for information on said workout program. I decided to give it a look since I felt slightly emasculated while doing my nightly routine of sit-ups on a balance ball and other low-impact exercises that involve the use of 5-pound, pink neoprene dumbbells. All I needed was a headband with the word “Physical” silk-screened across it to make the outfit complete. Well, that and a leotard and tights.
You still with me? I know that’s not a visual you needed.
Anyway, I came across the official site of the program and began clicking on links. And yes, the site is literally filled with testimonials from users who went from wimp to pimp in no time flat. There are plenty of pictures and videos to prove the point.
And as I continued to educate myself on the product, it occurred to me that there was not one fat person in the bunch which lead me to believe that the product is by no means meant for any of you corpulent cowboys out there but rather, people who appear to be in shape and want to more of a bodybuilding thing rather than a weight loss program.
So those of you that have a lot of weight to lose and plan on making that your New Year’s resolution might want to reconsider this program because, as is indicated on the site, results will vary from individual to individual. The people you see on the site are freaks since there’s a good chance that they are the few that have achieved success with the program. (Remember, too, that P90X is part of Beachbody LLC, a company that specializes in selling nutritional supplements so one hand washes the other here.)
Okay, with all of that out of the way, I continued to view the video testimonials. I came across one by Jill W. and watched it just to see if she was like all of the others: a real woman with some real curves.
But after about 35 seconds into the clip, I had to rewind it and watch it again.
Why, you ask? Here’s what you will see at 0:20 of the clip:
Hey, look! It’s Jill W.’s before and after pictures! She looks pretty good, doesn’t she? And check out the amazing craftsmanship on those doors behind her. I bet they were made by the Amish or something because man, they look fuckin’ sweet. And don’t you love how no shadows are cast on either shot and how, even though taken from the same vantage point, the lighting appears to be way different on both?
Also, do all of the “before” shots need to be straight-on and unflattering while the “after” shots require standing at an angle?
Okay, maybe I’m looking too much into the image and overlooking the obviously sexy results that one Jill W. achieved while on the program. Probably so, huh?
Or am I? Check out her before picture at 0:28 of the clip:
Here’s Jill W. again only this time looking pretty down about things. Maybe it’s because she had to pose with that tacky picture of ducks in flight just to the right of her (or on the left of the image for you smarties out there), or maybe it was before she had those awesomely Amish doors installed in her home. Maybe she just wasn’t happy that the photographer chose to get all artsy-fartsy and use C-41 process black-and-white film this time around.
Either way, there she was then and here she is at 0:31 of the clip:
Shapely Jill W.? Check (and rawrrrr!). Tacky ducks-in-flight picture? Check.
Amish door? Che…wait, what? Holy Hell! What the fuck is going on here? Why is only half of the Amish door floating behind Jill W.? It’s because it’s a MOTHERFUGGING GHOST DOOR THAT LEADS TO ANOTHER DIMENSION like that episode of The Twilight Zone!
Okay, now I’m not knocking Jill W. for any results she may or may not have achieved by using (or not using) the P90X program. Everybody is free to come to their own conclusion about the product. Personally, I’m always a bit wary of any program such as this and would opt for something recommended by my doctor but hey, what the Hell do I know, right?
The point I’m trying to make here is that if a company is going to go through such lengths to get you to buy their product by having their (hopefully now unemployed) graphic artists do such a half-assed Photoshop job on the “before” and “after” pictures, it might be saying something about the product’s credibility.
Definitely a caveat emptor situation if I’ve ever seen one.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a date with my tacky ‘80s workout attire.
And you think I’m kidding…