Kill These Words Now

Okay, I’m feeling a bit spunky right now.

I have a list of things that I was/am going to write about and this one is at the top, so here we go.

For the love of [insert appropriate deity here] people, please stop using the following words:

• Eschew
• Panache
• Penchant

No, seriously. They suck serious ass. There is no use for them in 2008 unless you want to try and make yourself sound sophisticated when you’ll actually sound more like you’re describing The Man Who Broke the Bank at Monte Carlo.

While we’re on the topic, here are a few more for you. These are not so much words as they are euphemisms for being pregnant. Yes, I’m talking “preggers” and “prego.” They are neither funny nor cute; they are just fucking stupid beyond belief. And I fail to see the correlation between a jar of spaghetti sauce and pregnancy. (Maybe I’m missing something, I dunno.)

In fact when Ann was pregnant in 2003/2004, an old friend called me and wanted to check up on, in his words, “prego.”

Then there was a long, awkward silence. He said, “You still there?”

When I finally cooled off I told him, “She’s pregnant. Don’t ever call her ‘prego’ again.” And he never did.

So I hope you and the rest of mankind can abide by the list and make it happen. And it’s not like I care about how people reference Britney Spears, but I think “Britters” should be added as well.

C’mon, world. Just…stop.

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