Hello folkses. It’s your friendly neighborhood blogger back to spill his guts about how life has been treating him lately.
In this episode, I talk about a few things with the first being my overall mental state.
For the last week, all I can say is that I have felt better. I just wanted to be left alone and had such a feeling of emptiness during that time and wasn’t sure why, so I just talked over things with Ann to try and bring myself back to where I should be.
I deal with most conflicts internally, rarely letting them escape my psyche for the sake of not bringing others down. It’s a really bad idea. Things like these should be talked about, and everyone has someone they can confide in whether they know it or not. But on the flip side of that, I can’t pretend that everything is okay and give off a false projection of positivity. I know a few folks on Instagram who routinely sprinkle their posts with so much over-the-top glittery Polyanna bullshit that it’s disgusting.
Life sucks sometimes. Humans can be obnoxious. So be real. I’d rather be around real people with real emotions rather than false enthusiasm.
I also spoke to my mom about how I was feeling but it didn’t really help much. In fact I felt a little worse after our conversation. I won’t go into details but let’s just say she suggested I talk to my brother –– not exactly the beacon of hope I’d wish for in this dark, gloomy place I’ve been trudging through.
But I’m getting better. A little punchy* but better. Anyway, that’s that. Moving on.
As the delta variant rears its ugly head and cases continue to rise here in the Golden State (or at least in my area), we continue to work from home with no real signs of ever going back. There was this small window when numbers were dropping and the state reopened but that didn’t last long and I don’t think I’ll be back in the office soon. I suppose it’s just as well.
My reasoning for this is that I have two coworkers who no longer speak to me. Imagine working from home and pissing off two of the three people in your department to the point they no longer communicate with you! Well, your pal Dave managed to do that when he gave his opinion on their performance.
Look, don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t being a dick here. My lead asked what I thought and why so many projects were late so I told them, and also what we should do in order to right the ship. What happened in terms of meetings with the boss and disciplinary action was out of my control.
In the end, I find that neither of them are reaching out to me for anything and don’t even spark up any kind of friendly chat via our means of team communication. This literal ignorance spilled over into the social media realm where one of them also stopped communicating with me there so I had to cut them loose. Kinda bullshit they decided to make a work situation personal but eh, life goes on.
It’s fine for now. But should we ever get back to the office, I sit between these two and it’s no doubt going to make for an awkward situation. The rest of those in my department aren’t holding a petty grudge against me, in fact they all think I’m a swell guy because I get things done. But having two that don’t isn’t exactly the best way to work as a team.
So all things considered, think it’s time to try something else. Been there five years –– the longest I’ve been at any job –– and I feel it’s run its course. There’s a lot I like about the place but during my mental downtime I was thinking about a lot including this situation with my coworkers. The damage seems to have been done and it appears irreparable, so the writing on the wall is pretty clear.
I hate to but it might be the best move for my own sake.
Aside from all of this fun stuff, it’s been pretty warm here. I’m not talking in the hundreds but it has sure felt like it.
Those numbers might not indicate scalding hot weather but the mornings are cool and the afternoons just get nasty. I have two fans blowing on me at my home office desk and they do a little good but not much. What sucks is that come winter, I’ll be sitting at the same desk wearing a hoodie, jeans and sipping coffee from an oversized mug.
I long for those cold, damp days because these warm days just suck.
Well, tomorrow is Monday so I’m ready for another day of those two coworkers ignoring me and treating me like the bad guy that I am.
*Okay, really punchy.