When It Rains…

I could go into great detail about how my day went but I’ll make it short for the sake of not dragging it on forever.

First, I called the EDD to find out why the second week of my benefits claim was covered in Xs. Now keep in mind that I have been calling continuously since Monday morning. In fact between 8:00 and 8:30, I tallied a total of 120 calls of which only 5 were sent through.

But getting sent through is not a guarantee. Every time I was, the recording told me that there were too many callers already waiting and my call couldn’t be answered. That changed today when I was finally able to get to speak with someone about my claim form.

And the answer was what I suspected: I’m done. I’ve exhausted my benefits until June 2014 or until those assholes in Congress decide to do something with extending benefits. The last I heard, they are still not doing anything but collecting a nice salary which I’m paying for. Jerks.

With that call over, I hung up the phone and cried a little. No, a lot. Our car payment is due today and we can’t pay it, so we’ve made the decision to give it up. I called Kia and asked them what our options were and the rep read her script while I, struggling to keep up with her, took notes. The bottom line was that no matter how we do it, we’re screwed. We will owe something in the end regardless of what we do with the car but it will at least avoid repossession. Our best bet is to just take it back to the dealer and tell them the situation, as if they’ll be sympathetic about it. So the car, the one I thought would be a nice 20th anniversary gift for Ann, will be history. What a nice way to remember an anniversary.

Then, as the final straw, I go to the place seen in this Craigslist ad:

The first line summed it up: no experience necessary. I figured I might as well.

I arrived and inquired about the position. The guy I asked pointed to another guy who asked if I had any experience with glass. I told him I didn’t.

“Oh, we’re only looking for people with experience,” the guy who resembled a convict said. Rather than point out what their ad above clearly stated, I simply nodded, smiled, and thanked them.

It was on the way out of the office when my thoughts formed and made their way from my brain to my mouth, each word spoken at a higher volume level.

“…then maybe you should STATE THAT IN YOUR FUCKING AD,” the last two words probably registering a hit on the Richter Scale.

Today could not have been worse. For all the good I’ve dedicated myself to do for others (most of which I don’t even mention on here), I can’t get anything in return, not even a measly phone call from one of the many applications I’ve submitted online and in person. It truly is at a time like this when faith is tested and decisions are made and frankly, I’ve got no faith in anything at the moment. Nothing. What little I had in anything is gone.  And I don’t even feel like blogging anymore.

I’m deflated, defeated, just tired of all the bullshit that I’ve gone through since June. This constant rejection is a load of garbage and it’s taking its toll on me. If there is a God, s/he’s taken one giant dump on me and is laughing hysterically but at this point, I can say with confidence that there isn’t. Nobody could hate me this much or think that this is just a great part of some amazing plan they have for me. Bullshit.

Being good hasn’t helped. Doing the right thing hasn’t helped. Nothing has helped and in my quest to find some peace by studying Buddhism, I’ve gotten more anger and disappointment in return so for all I’ve put into it, I think I’m done with that mess. It simply hasn’t gone as planned.

Fuck this noise. I’m going to bed.