The Safety Dance


Okay. First, I know it’s been a long time between posts. There are reasons for that, the most prominent one being my really goofy work schedule as of late which has been all over the place. I’ve worked overnight shifts, early morning shifts, and everything in between. As a result I’ve been spending a lot of my downtime doing what I need to do most: sleep, and sleeping during the day (and not really having much time to spend with your family) sucks donkey parts.

Also, my sciatic nerve has been acting up and that’s been taking me down for the count. What a drag it is getting old.

Second, this is a head’s up to my loyal readers – all three of them – that my domain mapping will expire at the end of the month. I must scrape up a whopping $13 before then in order to keep things in order or else my domain won’t redirect to the blog. I’m sure I’ll get it together but it’s a warning nonetheless.

So onto the post.

Safety is of the utmost importance at work for both customers and employees, and part of our job is to fill out these little survey cards whenever we see a coworker do something that resembles an act of safety. The card layout is as follows:

In (department), I observed (employee name) (behavior).

As a result of my quality observation, I (my name) Coached or Recognized (employee name) by (explain my actions).

Once we fill out three of these cards, we are to turn them into the supervisor at the end of our shift.

Yeah. They’re pretty boring, wouldn’t you say? Most just fill them out with a few words and leave them at that.

Well, I refuse to have it that way. I’ve made it a point to use the smallest print I can muster in order to make my replies more of a proclamation, something so noteworthy so as to spread peace within the Kingdom of [Company Name Withheld].

So dig it. Here’s a sample of the cards I’ve been turning in.

It would help to read this with the best British/Shakespearian accent you can do. Ahem.

Be it known to all in the Kingdom of [Company Name] that on this (day and date), mine eyes bore witness to (employee name) engaging in (action, in this case a sweep) the hourly cleansing of the castle floor and performing said action in the Kingdom’s mandated and appropriate zig-zag manner – a most noble act of heroism, selflessness, and might. 

As the result of my quality observation, I, Dave, recognized (employee name) with endless verbal praise over a pint of the most aromatic beverage of their choice, the likes of which our palates have never tasted before or shall ever taste again. Victory is sweet, and the Kingdom of [Company Name] shall remain safe forevermore due the swift and valiant actions shown by (employee name).

EXCELSIOR!

Aaaand with that, I turn them in to the boss at the end of the day. I haven’t gotten any feedback from anyone just yet which leads me to believe they either a) don’t read them or b) read mine and simply mumble “Smartass” and throw them away.

No matter what they do, it’s just a way to make the mundane job of working a grocery store that much more tolerable.

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