The Bathroom Troll


The dog-and-pony show that I call work continues to stupefy me and take life into new realms of weirdness.

You all know that I ride my bike to work at least 3 times a week. When I do, naturally I stuff my backpack with my work clothes since, well, I don’t think they’d appreciate me sitting at my desk in bike shorts and an Under Armour compression shirt, dripping in sweat.

After I put my lunch in the fridge, I head to the big stall in the bathroom to change into my work clothes and without fail, between 6:45 and 6:55 a.m., the door opens, there’s a crinkling of a plastic bag, and then…nothing.

That’s it. There’s nobody coming in, there are no echoing footsteps, absolutely nothing. So from what I can gather, some asshole—for whatever reason—simply opens the door all the way as he passes the bathroom and then continues down his merry way to the elevator, probably skipping and whistling “Tiptoe Through the Tulips” or something.

Hmmm…and for what?

I dunno. But after being a part of The Banana Fucking Splits Show for a few months and watching how the place operates (which to this day astounds me), I’ve decided not to question anything anymore. I just roll with the punches and hope that someday, a big bag of money shows up on my door. There’s no reason it would; it’s just nice to think about.

Search_over_engineeredSpeaking of dysfunctional workplaces, I finally got my PC which actually worries me more than anything. You see, getting a PC is akin to the Kiss of Death for me: every time I get one, I’m moved to another desk (or table or M*A*S*H unit in the parking lot, as it were). And being it was yet another computer, it had to reinstall everything (residing on the network) all over again.

The one thing it couldn’t do for me was create my e-mail signature, which is usually so cut-and-paste it’s ridiculous. But no, that’s not how we roll.

I had to copy-and-paste generic text and replace the names and phone numbers with mine, download their all-too-important logo, etc., etc., etc. The problem was that I couldn’t find the Signatures folder which is where I needed to save the HTML file.

So I did the only logical thing: I searched for it on the PC. As the Microsoft dog pawed at the ground waiting to return my search results, the monitor went blank and the damn thing restarted.

It did this each time I tried to search for it. I eventually got it to save the signature but man, at least give me a PC that works, will you?

Welcome to Idearc Media, where nothing makes sense and the Keys of Knowledge have been lost forever.

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