“Axiom Bloodshot Icarus Spleen?”

I think I may have turned down a job opportunity the other day but in the end, it was probably for the better.

I know, in today’s economy, you would be absolutely stupid beyond a reasonable doubt to walk away from any kind of good news that might come waltzing your way, especially unexpectedly.

But that’s exactly what happened Tuesday when I got a call from a number in the 408 area code which I later discovered is based out of northern California – but isn’t really.

See, the person at the other end of the line – we’ll call him Hrundi – was presumably from a recruiting office that was scouring job Web sites for potential contracted employees. I can only guess that Hrundi found my resume on any of those popular ones out there since I do have it posted on most of them.

So my cell phone rang and instead of letting it go to voicemail like I normally do, I chose to answer. (I really should just list my Google Voice number online.) And that’s where I made my mistake because Hrundi might as well have been stringing random words together when he was speaking to me. In fact the only words I understood during the entire conversation were those of my first and last name.

It pretty much went like this with Hrundi’s apparently sentences in [brackets].

Hrundi: [Axiom bloodshot monkey spleen] David Marino? (not my real last name)

Me: (pause) This is David.

Hrundi: Hello, David. [Hummus gahan nirvana slippermen abacab hobo jungle. Blather jewels kaopectate]?

Me: I’m sorry, I couldn’t understand a word you said.

Hrundi: [Radial circumference, spackle armor Shakespeare nickel cadmium endoplasmic reticulum]?

Me: (another long pause) You know what? Forget it.

I then hung up, tired of the language barrier.

And this, my friends, seems to be the latest trend in outsourcing: job recruiters. This is about the third call I’ve gotten from someone who spoke absolutely horrid English yet whose job it was to communicate with potential job seekers. The last person I got a job offer from was also just as bad and I told her that instead of calling me ever again, it would probably be better to send me e-mails from now on. She did and they were just as if she were speaking to me.

At any rate, the phone number on the Caller ID is indeed used to mask the fact that the caller is NOT based in the United States but rather somewhere far, far away. In this case, India.

The bottom line is that it doesn’t matter where the recruiter is based; there’s another job that isn’t in the United States where people are dying to work no matter what the pay rate. And what about that jive about asking to speak to a representative in the U.S.? Come on, people, don’t believe every e-mail your Uncle Bob sends you. I know you’re not that vapidly stupid.

So if there are any recruiters out there using outsourced call centers, know this: the people you expect to do the job are doing tremendously shitty in attempting to attract the talent you so truly deserve. You may be saving some money on labor in some respects but think of how many potential employees you’ve let slip away because of situations like this, where the candidate couldn’t understand one word the recruiter was telling them and in frustration, felt that giving up any hope and hanging up was the best option as opposed to dealing with Hrundi’s nonsensical yammering for another 10 seconds.

And the unemployment line continues to grow.