Rick Warren and His Amazingly Big Balls

If I resolved to make 2010 “The Year in Which I Find Religion” then man, I have failed miserably only two days into the New Year.

Here’s what happened. A few days ago, local church windbag Rick Warren–the same Rick Warren who (edited) is against supports the hate-filled, discriminatory Proposition 8 and performed Barack Obama’s invocation–reached out to his congregation at Saddleback Church and stated the following:

“With 10% of our church family out of work due to the recession, our expenses in caring for our community in 2009 rose dramatically while our income stagnated.”

But wait, the explanation goes on:

“The cause of our financial shortfall was not a management issue but simply by the way Christmas occurred in this year’s calendar,” Warren wrote in an updated message on Christmas Eve. “After 10 packed Christmas services, and with Christmas Day on Friday, many people were out of town or too tired to come back for weekend services, so the unusually low attendance created an unusually low offering. That is understandable.”

As if 2009 was the only year in which Christmas fell on a Friday. Ahem. Anyway, in order to cover these expenses, Warren pleaded to his flock of sheeple that he…um, his church needed $900,000. And the sheeple responded.

Not only did they reach his intended goal, they bested it by $1.5 million.

Allow me to repeat that: they raised $2.4 million, a tally that doesn’t even take into consideration the donations that were mailed. (UPDATE 01/05/2010: The fat asshole got another $100,000. Clearly, I’m in the wrong business.)

So to all those Saddleback faithful, especially those “too tired” to go to weekend services or the 10% who are unemployed, I have to ask a simple question.

Why? What is it about this church, this guy, that makes you open up your wallets so willingly and give your money? If you’re too tired to make it to a weekend service then perhaps you should consider how strong your faith really is. Seriously? Tired? Hardly an excuse, and I haven’t gone to church in years (because I’ve given up believing in religions in general).

For his unemployed followers, I ask the same question: why? Granted, it’s your decision on what you do with your money but damn, you’ve got to look after yourself first. Screw the church–all that praying you’ve been doing obviously has yet to materialize a job, so why give this guy money?

As for Rick Warren and his amazingly large balls of steel, how fucking dare you ask anything from the 10% of your congregation who are unemployed. I’m still part of California’s unemployed statistic and let me tell you, I’ve got no time to sit around lighting candles to St. Whomever or go to church and listen to Captain What’s-His-Name, then donate money and put my blind faith to work and, should I get the job, lend any credence to the notion that it was my generous donation that helped me get it. No, no, no. Fuck that. I bet this fat bastard–his portly stature insinuates that the man’s eating very well–sleeps like a baby on his comfy bed knowing he’ll have a place to “work” tomorrow while the 10% continually worry about how they will make their next mortgage payment.

Again, how. Fucking. Dare. You. And I thought I was the one who was going to rot in Hell for all eternity? I’m clearly mistaken. Ah, but never mind. The fat bastard’s covered by 2 Corinthians 8:9! He’s in the clear! Goddamnit!

Well, there’s my way of getting the New Year started with a bang. And oh, what a bang it was.

In other news, this non-churchgoing heathen has a job interview on Tuesday for a proofreading position.

And you know what? It didn’t take a donation to some jive-ass preacher or church, either.

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