The Rock

When I heard about this, I literally laughed out loud.

There is going to be a new installation at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art which consists of a long slot with a huge rock placed on top of it.

But the installation itself isn’t what’s making headlines. Instead, it’s how the rock is being transported from the Riverside County, CA quarry in which it was found.

A special transport rig had to be constructed to move the 340-ton rock from the quarry and down a predetermined route to its final destination. The trip began on February 24 and at a pace of 8 MPH, it will reach my neighborhood this Wednesday.

And honestly, I can’t smell what this rock is cooking and I have no interest in seeing it.

It’s a rock. That’s about as simple as it gets. A rock. Nothing more, nothing less.

A freaking rock.

But cities along what has become the World’s Slowest Parade route are celebrating the arrival of the thing by throwing parties and playing cheesy rock-themed songs like Michael Jackson’s “Rock With You” and just about any other one you can think of. (But they’d have to be a music lover of my caliber to even consider this one.)

Stand along the sidewalk for hours and gawk. Take your picture in front of the rock. Marvel at its girth. Buy shirts with rock-related graphics and phrases.

Then tweet your pictures to the world and tell it that you saw a giant stone that, after searching since 1968, artist Michael Heizer was finally satisfied with.

On my What A Monumental Waste of Time scale, this ranks as an 8.5 at best. I’d rather watch a house or building of historical significance being moved from one location to another.

But this? Just a rock for an art project. I’m not impressed, and that’s coming from an art major.

Now if really you want to impress me, move several and perhaps thousands of same-size rocks to build something on a larger scale like, I dunno, the pyramids or Stonehenge.

And if you do, be sure to leave your transporter at home.