The Simpsons Quotes in Daily Life, Vol. 1


I follow a few Facebook fan pages that are dedicated to The Simpsons and the other day, they were asking what everybody’s favorite quotes were.

It was then that I realized that not only were some of them my favorites but also used in the daily life of my family. (And believe it or not, Ann absolutely hated The Simpsons when I first met her.)

Granted I don’t watch many of the new episodes because the show seems to have lost its luster and goofy innocence over the years, and I’m a proud owner of Seasons 1-8 on DVD – the only seasons that matter in their entirety with a few episodes from Seasons 10-12 being just okay.

So it’s come to this: I’m compiling a list of quotes from the show that we seem to use on a daily basis or when the situation allows/is perfect for them. And for the next few days (or as more are added), I’ll be posting them here in an effort to keep me away from my iPad and sinking into Candy Crush Saga oblivion.

I actually bought more lives and power-ups the other day. Hey, it was a Black Friday sale and 86% off. LEAVE ME ALONE.

Ahem. Here are the first five quotes from the list which are in no particular order of preference.

1. Sweet merciful crap!

smc

Situation: Homer’s reaction to seeing his car decorated with assorted creatures from the sea. A fellow blogger has also taken a shine to this quote over the years.

Family Usage: Pretty much the same kind of situation or if, say, we wake up to a pile of shredded paper towels that a little black kitten we all know and love tore up while we were sleeping.

2. Uh-oh, something’s gonna die.

john

Situation: John’s reaction when he sees Homer, dressed in hunting gear, arrive at Cockamamies to pick up Bart.

Family Usage: This one comes in handy whenever Anthony says he’s going to do something outlandish like attach his GoPro to something and shoot a video as he skateboards.

3. Remember, we’re in the Itchy lot.

itchy

Situation: When the family arrives at Itchy and Scratchy Land, where nothing can possib-lie go wrong, Homer reminds them in which lot they parked. There’s only two and both are equally huge. Thank goodness for the signs.

Family Usage: On the rare occasion when we go to Disneyland, this quote will make itself known and it’s still funny because it’s true. By the way, they are adding even more parking in an effort to accommodate the upcoming Star Wars Land. Talk about too many people.

4. I can’t believe you don’t shut up!

shut up

Situation: Apu’s interjection to Homer when he keeps giving him romance advice.

Family Usage: Too many: when one of the cats keeps caterwauling for no reason, whenever Donald Trump is on TV blathering about the NFL or some other piece of legislation he’s introducing that will get shot down, etc. This one comes in handy.

5. Like, you know, whatever.

whatever

Situation: In an effort to leave the old Lisa Simpson behind and be accepted by the cool kids while at The Flandereses vacation home, Lisa tries to change her style and adopt new vernacular.

Family Usage: We tend to use this in more of a dismissive yet agreeable way.

Ann: Does spaghetti sound good for dinner?

Me: Like, you know, whatever.

And that’s the first five of who knows how many. I’ll keep adding them to my list in Evernote and posting them here. Stay tuned!

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Cutting the Cords


Cryptic__45First of all, Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you out there who care to celebrate it. We do and there was plenty of celebrating around these parts as it is also my birthday – 45th to be exact. I used the photo you see here as my Facebook profile picture today in order to cryptically acknowledge my date of birth.

With all of that out of the way, let’s get to the meaty center of this post.

As you know, things are starting to turn around for us. We’ve figured out how to pay for the car and I’m going to be trained for my new job tomorrow morning then start work the following week. Even so, money will still continue to be tight around here so we’ve decided to do what we could to cut back on some of our expenses.

One of the biggest and essential expenses we have is our bundled Verizon FiOS bill, which at present is just over $100/month for phone, Internet, and TV. Our contract is up next month which means that our 2-year honeymoon price will soon be out the window and it could then be upped to $150 or maybe $200. That’s way too much especially when this guy can’t tell you the last time he sat down and watched a network show. Remember, I don’t even own a DVR. That’s how important TV is to me.

rokuWe were looking into a variety of options including cheaper TV and Internet service. We don’t care about the landline because of our unlimited everything plans we have on our mobile phones. Even so, if we did get a new TV provider, we’d have yet another honeymoon period before our rates would jump to some crazy amount. Not what we want.

So after much deliberation, we decided to do the following once the contact is up.

  • Ditch the landline. We just don’t use or need it.
  • Keep FiOS Internet. It’s just the opposite of the landline.
  • Cancel FiOS TV service. It’s back to terrestrial TV for us.

So what will we do for TV? Roku, the tiny little box that streams content via WiFi directly to your TV, will be our TV provider.

Yes, we figured that this would be the best way to go once we get rid of our TV service and while it doesn’t have everything, it’s a means of entertainment. I bought a Roku 2 box the other day and here’s what I really like about it.

  • Almost free TV. Roku has a bunch of different channels that you can add to your account, the main one being Hulu Plus which runs $7.99/mo. (Hint: download the app then sign up for a Plus account through the app and get 3 MONTHS free vs. the standard 7 DAYS when you register via your computer!) And “almost free” means just that. While a lot of the content is free, movie channels require you to register with a credit card should you want to rent or purchase content. In fact, Roku also requires credit card info as some channels are not free.
  • Setup. Probably the longest part of setting it up was entering my ridiculously long WiFi password via the on-screen keyboard. The rest was a breeze.
  • Download the app. It makes using the device much simpler.
  • More than TV. Pandora and Slacker channels are also available so you can rock out to your favorite tunes and when you sign in to your account, your stations will be there and ready to stream. Handy when you have it connected to a surround sound system like I do.
  • Headphone jack in the remote (Roku 2 and 3). Talk about privacy! I watched a bunch of stuff last night and didn’t disturb a soul.
  • Watching streaming content from my La-Z-Boy. There are some shows like Leo Laporte’s The Tech Guy that I’d rather watch on my 42” TV and not on my small monitor. This solves that problem.

So what’s not to like about it?

  • Limited programming. You would think that with the plethora of channels you get that content would be endless. Well, it is. Some shows on Hulu Plus may only have one random season available and that could be the first or the ninth. It’s really hit-and-miss, and a lot of the movies are not the best. Popcornflix, for example, is just horrid although I did watch a documentary about the Dalai Lama last night which was interesting.
  • Not another account! Some channels require you to register in order to view content. This was fine and well until I realized that I needed a notebook to jot down all of my info for these accounts I just created.
  • Useless channels. In addition to creating new accounts, many channels cannot be viewed unless you have a qualifying cable TV account. This is pretty useless when your goal is to ditch your provider for the sake of something cheaper. Why do I want to watch such a channel on Roku if I already have it on FiOS? Duh.
  • Some channels listed but cannot be viewed. One such channel is Travel Channel which shows up on the Hulu guide but whose content can only be viewed online and not via Roku.
  • Limited content. Some programs may show up but you’d be disappointed to learn that only short clips can be viewed. It looks like a lot but in reality they are mostly just a few minutes in length.

One of the things I will miss about FiOS is watching my Dodgers play. While I can still get selected games via standard TV, a majority of the games are broadcast on cable so I’ll miss out. This is my sacrifice as is Ann’s abandoning of Ghost Adventures and Ghost Hunters.

The thing is that if you sit yourself down and search long enough, you will find something to watch on Roku and as of now, I’ve got around seven movies in my Hulu queue just waiting for me. If you’re one of those who absolutely must watch the next episode of that Kardashian reality show then Roku is most likely not going to be for you.

But if you’re someone just looking for some kind of entertainment whether music, movies or TV, this gadget will probably be worth the money you’ll invest. As a matter of fact, I bought two of them this weekend to plan for the impending doom of FiOS TV.

By doing things this way, we may end up spending around $60 for our TV service ($50 for Internet and $8 for Hulu Plus) vs. the over $100 for our new bill.

The cord cutting has indeed begun and while not 100% satisfactory, I’ll gladly pay the lower price.

Blogging 365, Day 38: Nobody Likes Papa’s Snoring During Novelas


So the other day I wrote a post about that damned AT&T U-verse commercial about that girl complaining about her difficulty to hear her novelas over Papa’s snoring.

And it turns out that I’m not the only one annoyed with that commercial. Just check out my recent search hits.

novela

Most of my top hits have come from people searching for more info on the commercial. Glad to know I’m not the only one that’s going batty over it.

As far as the other topics go, here are links in case you are interested.

Blogging 365, Day 35: Novelas and Papa’s Snoring


"Look here, bitch..."

What you are looking at is a screengrab from what could quite possibly be the most poorly written and acted commercial in the history of mankind.

The commercial is for AT&T’s U-Verse TV service which offers the unique feature of being portable through the incorporation of a wireless receiver. In this commercial, a group of Hispanic girls are obviously smitten with the star of their favorite (fictional) novela, Viva el Amor, but are unable to watch the show because of one problem: the father of the girl in green is not only asleep but he’s sawing some serious logs as well.

So, in an attempt to make things better, the only other girl who has a line in the commercials says, “Let’s move him” which I take to mean the star of the novela. Green Girl then goes over to Papa’s Barcalounger to try to move him instead of the TV.

“What are you doing?” asks the other girl.

That’s when the drama unfolds and Green Girl delivers the over-acted line of, “Well…back in my day, this was the only way we could hear the novelas over Papa’s snoring.” This means that as a little girl she had to roll Papa’s ass out of the room so she could watch her novelas in peace since apparently he has a really bad case of narcolepsy.

Duh, beeyotch!

That’s when Mom behind her nods approvingly with one hell of a goofy smile on her face. Note her crazy eyes, too. We also here some other smartass say “Whatever” off-screen.

The other girl then tells Green Girl they’ll be in the patio and demands she bring the popcorn. Then they wheel the TV and wireless receiver — still plugged in, by the way — into the patio to enjoy the show while Papa snores his ass off.

This commercial irks me to no end and I want to throw a brick at my TV each time I see it. As I said, it’s so poorly written and acted that the mere 30 seconds it’s on seems like an eternity. It’s stupid, stereotypical, and downright annoying with as many times as they show it.

It just makes me that much happier to be a Verizon FiOS customer.

The Last Hurrah


Whatever the circumstances may have been, it seems that I missed the last two TV shows I worked on. But hey, as long as there’s Hulu or networks posting each episode online the day after each episode’s premiere, I guess I’m in good shape.

That’s where I was able to see my brief appearances in the shows Outlaw and Law & Order: L.A. Here are some screengrabs from both.

First, here’s my part in Outlaw (and where I pretty much sat for two days of shooting, only to appear in this shot):

I had to throw in that big red arrow so you can get a better idea of where I was. The scene was supposed to be set in Mexico but it was actually Pasadena City Hall, where all of the courtroom scenes were shot. It’s an absolutely beautiful place.

Unfortunately, this would be the last time I would work with the cast and crew of Outlaw as it has since been given the proverbial ax by NBC. That’s usually what happens when the show just can’t find a comfortable time slot. I had a blast with the cast and crew who did nothing but treat all of us with dignity and respect. I wish them all the luck in the world.

Then there’s Law & Order: L.A. I watched the episode and wasn’t able to see myself very well but you know what? I was able to see my car:

See the burgundy Ford Fusion parked right there outside the bogus marijuana dispensary? Yeah, that’s my car and what earned me an extra $15 on my paycheck for the day. Much like Outlaw, everybody with LOLA was a lot of fun to work with. Hope to do it again very soon.

And with those shots, my days of watching network TV in the hopes of seeing myself are done until I start booking myself once again, possibly after my contract is up with my current job. We’ll see how it all goes.