It was almost prophetic the way so many little strange things that sort led up to what happened at work today.
For one, I told one of my co-workers that it was going to be difficult to be at work today after a busy weekend.
Second, my manager was referring to a specific program on her computer that, if I had access to it, would allow me to look up the information on my own. When she told me she’d get me trained on it I jokingly told her, “Oh, there’ll be no need for that.”
“I…I just don’t think that…anyway, here’s what I wanted to ask you,” I said as I changed the subject. She looked curiously at me.
Then shortly after our little dialog, we were told that there was going to be a company-wide meeting at 8:30 am. And if I know anything, I know that company-wide meetings are never good things.
We then all gathered around the facility boss at the usual arbitrary location: “around the printers.” Her mood was glum as was that of the rest of the company. She then gave a quick prelude to what she was about to read and the mood immediately soured afterward.
What it came down to was yet another Project: 2010, something I’ve become all too familiar with after the experience at my last job. The board was set; the pieces were moving. And we were all going to be the pawns.
As the meeting dragged on, I stood there and began to think about what the boss was saying until that one point when everything she said just became meaningless blather and a psychedelic blur. I looked up, quietly cursed whomever lives in the clouds and controls the universe, thought about what the future lies, and then finally became so emotional that I had to leave the meeting.
You gotta remember that I’m still coming off the effects of a layoff that happened in March, something from which I’ve yet to recover from financially and emotionally. Really, guys, that last layoff totally fucked me up. And to add to that fucking comes news of another layoff, albeit up to a year in the future? Jesus.
I left the meeting not making eye contact with anybody. I let my emotions get the best of me and stormed down the hallway and in the process, I flung off my iPod and headphones and they went flying. I then had a seat on the couch and tried to regain my composure. Eventually I did and rejoined the meeting in progress.
It continued to drag on. I saw more than a few people wiping tears away. A few minutes later we were dismissed and as I returned to my desk, I began to take down and pack all of my personal articles. Thankfully, there weren’t many and I figured that if we were eventually going to get the ax, I might as well get a jump on things.
About 10 minutes later I was approached by my managers who informed me that they believed my actions were “inappropriate” and that “there was no room for that kind of behavior” in the building.
I was then told to go home. So after being harassed about where to park my bike by fat, smoking assholes that couldn’t tie their shoes without breaking a sweat, after being moved from desk to desk during my first 4 months of employment, after being computerless until about a month ago, a little show of human emotion is what gets me the exit door. Wow.
I only told a few people goodbye, and honestly it was the most I ever spoke to them. They both seemed a bit confused as to what happened and even my direct manager had no idea what had happened as she was still handing me work as I was gathering my things. I surrendered my key card, was escorted out of the building by the two who told me to leave (as if there’s anything there worth fucking stealing), was stared down by them as I left the parking lot. I was gone.
I left messages with everybody I possibly could (in HR and with my recruiter) regarding what happened today and never got a call back. Hopefully I will tomorrow so I can explain everything that happened.
So the day’s been quite a whirlwind of emotion, frustration, uncertainness, tears. I’ve been spending a good portion of it posting/editing/polishing my resume, applying for jobs online and whether I want it or not, possible sources for public assistance.
And my head is now throbbing. Goodnight, all.