The Flirt


Look people, even though I’ve lost a tremendous amount of weight over the last few years, I still don’t consider myself the most attractive dude on the planet. I’m just not, but I don’t think I’m exactly Brian Peppers, either.

In other words, honestly I believe that my physical appearance has improved tremendously now that the extra 95 pounds* are gone but am I model material? GTFO!

But seriously, I’m having second thoughts because there have been a few incidents over the past few weeks that have started to make me wonder.

100_8694Incident #1: In the middle of doing some last-minute Christmas shopping, Ann and I stopped for lunch at Lee’s Sandwiches (which, by the way, are the proverbial bomb). We placed our order and then while waiting for our number to be called, I noticed a poster that was advertising these incredibly awesome Vietnamese calendars branded with the Lee’s Sandwiches logo (see photo to left).

The artist in me was awestruck by the color scheme of the calendar—you can never go wrong with red and gold or Asian art in general, and there was no way I was going home without one of these.

The only bummer was that they were free with a $20 purchase and our order only came out to a little over $12. I was pretty much skunked but I still wanted one, so I approached the counter and kindly asked the young lady at the register about it.

“Yeah, those calendars…I really dig ‘em but my order was about $12. Is there any way I can buy one outright since I didn’t spend the $20 to get a free one?”

“Ummm…” she replied. I smiled.

“If it’s going to get any of you ladies in trouble, then that’s okay,” I said to the all-female crew. “They are just really cool and I’d like to buy one.”

They then all huddled in the corner. You could practically hear the gears turning and then finally came a verdict from the one that looked like she was in charge.

“In the spirit of the holidays, we’ll go ahead and give you one,” she said, smiling.

“Cool. That’s awesome and I really appreciate it. I just don’t you ladies to get in trouble for giving one away,” I said.

“No no, it’s okay,” the boss-lady insisted. I thanked them all and walked back, calendar in hand, to a quizzical Ann.

“Oh, quit flirting with the girls,” she exclaimed. I laughed as I began to examine my new acquisition. I hung it on me wall when I got home and man, I’m gonna hate to have to throw it away when 2011 comes around.

Incident #2: This one happened today whilst at Costco, the place where you can walk around during your lunch hour, sample all sorts of foods, not spend a dime and go back to work with a rather full stomach.

I mention all that because today’s “flirtatious” incident involved two of said female vendors. They had a table set up where they were giving samples of focaccia, baklava, and butter cookies, all of which were downright delicious. I ended up buying one pack of each of the aforementioned items–$12.99 for all three–for me, Ann and Anthony, respectively.

After trying a sample of the focaccia, Anthony and I agreed that the stuff was tasty and we had to take some home. The ladies engaged in some small talk with the two of us which eventually led into, of all things, my heritage and genealogy.

“Where are you from,” one of them asked. I sort of chuckled.

“Um…here?”

She laughed. “No, your background. Your eyes look like you could be Mediterranean,” she said.

“I’m a mutt. I’ve got so much in me that anything’s possible. Spanish, Mexican, possibly Italian…I mean, look at my nose,” I said, pointing to the schnozzola.

They both laughed as I put the bag of goodies in my cart and started to walk away.

“Thank you both, ladies,” I said. Anthony also thanked them as they waved.

Now that I am a whole lot thinner, it’s getting a little strange to notice this kind of treatment or attention being lavished upon me, and it really makes me wonder that if I was still nearly 300 pounds, would anything have transpired—the small talk, the free goodies—if the dialog was exactly the same?

Maybe it’s the combination of the dialog’s delivery and a non-fat guy that makes face-to-face interactions a whole lot more pleasurable. Or maybe it’s the addition of the goatee and the pierced ears, both part of my plan to change my appearance on different levels after my weight loss.

Or maybe these ladies at Costco just wanted me to buy some of their foodstuffs and GTFO.

Meh. Either way, if this is the result of being a whole lot thinner then man, I’m going to take advantage of it. Naturally, being a married guy I’m not going to intentionally flirt just for the sake of doing it but if there’s something at stake, like that calendar or a bitchin’ lobster harmonica, then you bet your ass I’ll turn on the charm the best way I know how.

After all, women have been doing it to us guys for years, right?

*Wait, didn’t I lose over 100 pounds? Um, let’s just say the holidays have been a real bitch, mmmkay?
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6 thoughts on “The Flirt

  1. As the proud owner of a lobster harmonica, I will say this, I wouldn’t trade the lobster harmonica for all the tang in China.

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