Merry Christmas, Jerk!


The holiday season is in full swing and it’s time to look back on the things we’re thankful for. Here’s my list—and it’s pretty short.

I’m thankful to be alive and enjoy my family and friends, whom I’m also thankful for. The rest is just details. That pretty much sums it up.

As for the things I’m not thankful for,well, the list is a bit longer.

If you recall, I’ve been sandwiched between two bad neighbors for years until recently when the hillbillies finally got kicked out of their house. (Fortunately, they’ve been replaced with neighbors who are just the opposite.) But to the north of me there’s a couple that gave us problems since Day 1.

Sure, you know the husband. The guy that’s had the Happy Birthday Jesus sign on his roof for at least three years straight? The guy that built a wall between our houses without asking permission and only did it after Ann’s grandfather died? The guy who’s been to jail for beating the crap out of both women he’s been married to? Oh, and the man who, despite all this, claims to be an upstanding Christian?

Shit, if that’s a Christian, sign me up for the other team and pronto.

At any rate, I don’t watch out for this guy or his wife—she’s just as twisted as he—because they’re both hypocrites. And if I really did give a damn about them, perhaps I would have taken the time to go over to their house this morning and remind him that today was Street Sweeping Day.

But alas, I couldn’t bring myself to do it because, hell, he wouldn’t do it for me. And it’s worth noting that no other neighbors went over to tell him, either. Hmmm…

So instead…

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