Ozzie the Cat

We’ve had our cat Ozzie since we rescued him from a shelter as a little pup back in 1998. Now I say “pup” because when Ozzie was still a cute, lovable little kitten and not the hellion he is today, he used to act like a dog.

I kid you not. He would fetch, his meows seemed more like little barks, and overall he just didn’t act like a cat. Oh, and he didn’t—and still doesn’t have—reverse in his genes.

Ozzie, who also goes by Nozzie, Ozziekat, Pups, Ozzie D. Katt, Shithead and Dumb Cat, just to name a few, has a tendency to get himself into uncompromising positions in which backing out would be the only way to escape. But since he’s got no reverse, we usually have to rescue his dumb ass or he’ll just stand or sit there wondering what to do next.

But regardless of what we call him or how evil this little shit is, I continually tell Ann that she’s going to miss him when he finally goes to Kitty Hell. And there’s no doubt—that’s exactly where Ozzie’s going when he uses up that ninth live which by rights should have been exhausted years ago.

Now back to the dog thing. While most cats like to be gently stroked on the back, Ozzie will not eat his food until I aggressively and repeatedly pat his back area just before his tail. He also likes to lick—my chin, to be exact. Maybe not so much anymore since I’ve grown the goatee but before that, he’d sit there and lick it and then try to nibble it. Yeah, I know he’s a turd.

I now offer you video proof of his doglike behavior. Check out the Flip Video:

While Ozzie does like his cat toys, the one thing that brings him great joy is the twist-off ring from a gallon of milk or, as we call them, “milk twisties.” For some strange reason he loves to fetch them and as you can see on the video, chew. He never used to chew on them until his innocent sister Cindy—six years his senior and the “good cat”—started to do it. Shame on her.

Ozzie’s also a bit reclusive when he wants to be. While Cindy will gladly lay on or near somebody, Ozzie prefers to sleep someplace odd like on the cutting board, the catbox, or a bag. Yeah, I know cats are strange to begin with but some of the things he does are just a little…unexpected.

But despite it all, we love that little shit and that’s what makes Ozzie, Ozzie.

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