I Got Your Back

I’ve been doing some thinking lately and yes, you all should really be afraid.

See, I’m a fan of COPS which I consider the only real reality show since it’s, well, real. And as such, I’ve become accustomed to seeing amazingly stupid people do amazingly stupid things like:

  • Always claim the stolen car they are driving belongs to a “friend” that always “lives around the corner”
  • Being arrested and saying the following: “I ain’t did nuthin’, man!” or “What’d I did?” or “I wasn’t even there, man!”

There’s plenty of more to mention like, no matter how dire the circumstances or shoddy the household, there’s always money for beer and cigarettes. Always.

Alright, so moving on to my thought.

Let’s say that a suspect is caught and the police are demanding him to put his or her hands behind their back. No big deal, right? You just do it and STFU.

But wait, let’s think about that. If I’m looking forward (literally not figuratively), that would obviously mean I would be looking at what’s in front of me. And if I look over my shoulder then I would looking behind me because your back is always behind you.

By that logic, your back is an entirely different body part than your chest and is referenced as such. That’s why it’s got a different name and why each faces a different direction.

Not so with the head. If a suspect was told to interlock their fingers and put them behind their head, they would. The head is one body part so I don’t need to explain the proverbial eyes-in-the-back-of-my-head thing.

Now, not that someone being arrested would put this kind of logic in play, but suppose that they were told to put their hands behind their back and instead, they put them in front of their chest? Would that be wrong since if they, in the traditional sense, put them “behind their back,” they would actually be putting them in front of their back?

You following me on this one? See, the back is behind you already so if you were to put them behind your back, that would mean in front of you.

Therefore, the proper phrase should be “Put your hands behind you.” At least in my mind it should.

I offer this simple logic as something to think about, not something to implement the next time Jonny Law comes tapping on your shoulder. You assume all responsibility should you decide to comply…or not comply, depending on how you see it.


So hey, how about that Weinerdude, eh?