Copy That

Damn copier...I tend to consider myself a multi-tasker in that I can do many different things but not necessarily all at the same time. And if you know me just from what I write about here, you may be somewhat surprised with what it is I can do without any difficulty.

For example, did you know I am a somewhat decent calligrapher? Yes, I have all sorts of nibs, India inks, pens, etc. in my art box should the need ever arise. I even have a steel brush nib in case, for some reason, somebody needs something written in calligraphy in a ridiculously huge size. I have the tools to do it; it’s just not something the average person knows how to do.

Here’s another one. I’m also pretty hard to top when it comes to color correcting. Having worked in photo labs for years, I became rather good at correcting for accurate flesh tones and background (depending on what was more important to the customer). I was so good at it that a few professional photographers wanted me to print their stuff regularly. This didn’t sit well with a certain female coworker who insisted that women had a better eye for color, something I debated when she showed me the set she printed vs. mine. This was when one of the pros decided they wanted me to print their work: my prints were superior to my coworker’s prints but her ego wouldn’t allow her to admit it. In your face, lady.

Despite those and so many more wonderful things I’m capable of doing, there’s one office task that kills me every time and I mean every time: copying.

There was a time when all I had to do was open the top, slip my original face-down on the glass, and let it rip. BANG! I had my copy and I skipped away from the copier with what I needed.

But as technology progressed, things got complicated: collating, stapling, 11×14 paper, color, black-and-white, two-sided, etc. There are now so many options on the average copier that I’m simply lost when I do it.

In fact I prefer to not do any copying at the office because I know that, no matter how hard I try to set the copier to print a single-sided black copy of two sheets, I will end up with 20 of the fucking things, all collated, stapled, two-sided and in color – on 11×14 paper and enlarged accordingly to the size.

Look, I swear I’m not stupid. I really do know my stuff. But when it comes to copiers, it’s safe to say that we just don’t get along and probably never will.

But then again, I could never Magic Eye, either.


2 thoughts on “Copy That

  1. I can’t fax to save my life. Some machines want you to go face-up, some face-down, some you have to dial 9 first, some you don’t. Some you have to push a button post-scan to send the doc, some automatically start dialing when you feed the document in. As a result, I’ve received many phone calls over the years either stating that I sent them a blank fax, or I sent them the fax 3 times.

    I envy your calligraphy skills!


    1. I’m pretty lousy at that as well and for the reasons you list. It’s even better with an all-in-one home printer which I no longer have. Well, at least the faxing portion. In my last days at the magazine we were starting to email ad proofs to clients which worked so much better on both ends.

      I’ve been doing calligraphy since 7th grade — a little known fact to many — and still do on occasion. In my college days I blew my art professor away with the quality of my skills in a 10-word sentence project which read, “Who ever thought a nuclear reactor could be so complicated?” I still have it somewhere 🙂


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