How to Piss People Off

If there’s anything I’ve learned in my 4+ years of blogging, it’s that you won’t always make everybody happy. To add to that, there are a few topics in which people lose their effing minds over.

The first subject is Steve Perry. Apparently some people are so obsessed with all things Steve Perry that just adding the name Steve Perry to an entry, or Steve Perry as a tag, or Steve Perry as anything will almost guarantee more blog hits as “pictures of steve perry wiping his ass with corn husks” continues to be a top search result.

Okay, maybe it’s more like “steve perry 2008 pictures” but still…

The other hot-button topic is “In Memory Of…” stickers. Nearly a year after I wrote the damn post, people continue to leave comments and not surprisingly, many of them are negative with the commentators all having one thing in common: calling me cold, judgmental, or a prick–or a nifty combination of all three.

No, seriously! I speak my mind about one topic and damn, they come out of the woodwork! So much so that Ann stepped up to the plate today and left a comment of her own in response to all the women that were up in arms over my opinion.

In so doing, Ann picked up on something I hadn’t: based on the commentators’ names (since I’m such a judgmental prick and whatnot), all those calling me names were female. Those that agreed with me were male. Interesting.

It got to a point where I was considering closing the Comments section for that post but nah, that’s missing the whole point of a blog, whether the post touches a nerve or not. I will continue to defend myself on the matter and if you don’t like it, you’ll lose more sleep over it than I will.

This is the new media where the opinions of everybody matter, so the Comments section will continue to remain open. And besides, pissing people off over something so trivial is too much fun!

Top 10 Posts for the Year

Since 2008 is about to go bye-bye, I thought I’d entertain you with a list of the year’s Top 10 Posts here on Holographic Meatloaf according to my host, WordPress. They tally that sort of stuff.
The total number of hits follows the post, and please note that these numbers were as of the time of this post. Additional comments follow each post.
  1. Harmonix Announces Rock Band Add-Ons (905): My April Fool’s Day article on forthcoming accessories for Harmonix’s popular game. I thought it was a flop at first but as the year went on I realized it was just the opposite!
  2. Paging Steve Perry… (348): The first of three Steve Perry-related results. Just a simple write-up about a stop sign I saw.
  3. iPod Upgrade? (341): While this post’s title may imply that I know something about any potential iPod upgrades, it was actually describing my possible purchase of an iPod Touch. I eventually bought the 8GB model but still use my old 30GB model more to this day!
  4. Bust A Nut (319): Reminiscing about a strange commercial that was out in the 90s. Apparently, I’m not the only one who remembers it.
  5. I’ll Stick to Sharpies (279): I describe by complete and utter disappointment in the incompatability of LightScribe and LabelFlash discs (and the extreme scarcity of the latter), and why I chose to abandon both in favor of a permanent marker.
  6. ZOMG!!! STEVE PERRY!!!11!1 (246): A spoof on where Steve Perry lives. Read this post and you’ll be just as convinced as I am that the dude has a gaggle of stalkers following him whenever he dares venture away from his home on the moon.
  7. “In Memory Of” Stickers (210): Ah, a classic. I go off about those damned “In Memory Of..” stickers that I despise so much. Check the comments section for a remark by someone who obviously has one on their car.
  8. Media (199): Not quite sure why this one is so popular. It’s just a page with links to my photos and videos. Do you people like me that much?
  9. SIRIUS + XM = WTF? (188): My take on the handling of the SIRIUS/XM merger. Most. Comments. Evar!
  10. The Steve Perry Post (181): The third Steve Perry-related post that’s gotten lots of hits in which I explain why a certain post was deleted. While it’s nothing compared to the post I originally speak of (which got well over 1,000 hits the day it went live), this proves my theory that Steve Perry fans are about as rabid and maniacal as monkeys in a banana factory. In short, freakin’ weirdos. Well, except for those few cool ones who shamelessly admitted to searching for stuff on Perry and left comments in the ZOMG!!! STEVE PERRY!!!11!1 post.

Well, that’s it for 2008. We’ll see how 2009 fares with what I’ve got to say then. Have a happy and safe 2009, people!

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Just the other day I was doing my usual perusal of search terms that people have used to find my blog. I find it fun and informative as it lets me know just how many fucked-up people there are in this world, even more fucked-up than myself.

I have, however, noticed a pattern.

Without fail, I get quite a few hits each day for the term “steve perry disneyland,” the reader desperately hoping they will come across some pictures of Perry eating a churro on Main Street or flashing his nipples at the camera on Splash Mountain. (It all goes back to that infamous post some time ago which has since been deleted. I even had people fucking e-mailing me after it was deleted wanting to know more. Holy Christ.)

But wait, there’s more! Some of the other terms people have used to find my blog have been “steve perry at dodgers game,” “steve perry sightings,” “steve perry 2008” and believe it or not, “where does steve perry live.”

And that’s when it hit me: you…you people wanting to know all this about Steve Perry. Seriously, what the fuck?! With terms like that being Googled it’s no wonder the dude wishes to live a quiet life!

Ahem. I digress. But hey, if it’s pictures of Steve Perry they want, it’s what I’ll give them. Note that these are all based on the terms that brought them here.

Click here to see the photos!

The Steve Perry Post

…has been deleted. I’m sure there are mirrors of it somewhere but meh, whatever. Turns out most people–mostly message board members–were really up and arms about it and calling me a liar so hey, whatever, there you go.

Aside from this post, the only other place you’ll find his name on this blog are here and here.

Good night, and thanks for all the hits.

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Google Search Terms for My Blog

Even if I don’t plan to write a post or have comments awaiting moderation, I often login to WordPress to check out my blog stats.

Part of the fun is checking to see which terms people searched for in Google, which ultimately lead them to my blog. There are the usual “normal” queries mixed in among the terms but lately I’ve noticed some that have been rather…well, you decide.

Here’s a list of some recent and interesting (but not most popular) terms with each term linked to the blog post related to it. Note that most of these terms may already be linked under the Popular Posts widget to the right:

“1-31-07 never forget”: As of this post, that page has the most hits ever (716 views, thanks in part to Fark). It seems people can’t get enough of that story and continue to search for information about it.

rock band add ons (or any variation of those words)”: It’s obvious this game is still popular as that term is still ranked in my daily blog stats. Sure, my post was just an April Fool’s Day joke but hey, people know what they like.

steve perry 2008“: Even in 2008, there’s something about this guy that knocks people off their feet. La do da do day…la doo daaa-aaa-aaa do daaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy!

bust a nut, corn nuts jingle/commercial, etc.”: Evidently, people also like busting nuts as these terms have been some of the most popular since I first posted the entry. You people are nuts.

vw sign then drive actor“: Don’t ask me anymore. I have no idea who he is.

holographic meatloaf“: No, you can’t have this domain. Not yours.

And there are some terms that I’d just rather not know more about, such as:

headphones on while driving“: Ironically, the post attached to that search term has nothing to do with driving while wearing headphones. It’s actually my rant about the day my headphones got stuck in the door of the train on a post entitled “This Beats Driving?”

in memory of stickers/decals“: Hopefully nobody took offense to my rant about how ridiculous those stickers are. Not really; I really hope it pissed them off.

And the winner thus far:

what does a guys dick look like“: C’mon now, people! Wouldn’t it be easier to Google “penis” instead? And because guys have weeners and know full well what they look like, it’s safe to assume that the person searching this term (and found my blog) was female.

Really, lady! Have you no shame?

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