Not On My Resume

AB10845I got a call from a person today, someone who stated that they saw my resume on one of the many employment sites where I have it posted. I figure that there’s no real harm in doing so when I take into consideration that my job, and this may sound physically impossible, both sucks and blows.

At any rate, this Valerie person wanted to speak to me about a position “with her company,” a phrase which should have set off the imaginary sirens and flashing lights deep within the walls of my cranium.

Ever known a siren to be a good thing? I didn’t think so.

So I call Valerie back and inquire about the position. I should have hung up immediately because after the obligatory cheerful salutations, she started her spiel about the position and if I was properly trained, would I be interested in helping people control their debt and manage their wealth. Ahem.

“Lady, I’m terrible with numbers,” I bluntly said, “and I’m the last person I’d want to be entrusted with managing someone’s money.” She laughed a fake laugh and continued about the training and whatnot.

And that’s when I should have gotten nasty but I didn’t. I kindly stated that this position really wasn’t what I was in the job market for, and ended the conversation.

As a refresher for those of you living in caves, allow me to reiterate that my last two jobs–proofreader and magazine writer–had absolutely nothing to do with managing wealth or debt. I would have no fucking clue as to how to manage wealth, even with “proper training.” Shit, I have problems passing the Skittles machine at work and not dropping a few quarters into it. So where in the Hell on my resume does it say that I’m a CPA or have a PhD in Economics? Why would they even bother to call someone like me about this position?

Oh, I get it. It’s because places like this “hire” any concertina-playing monkey walking the street, have them pay a fee for some kind of license, and the poor monkey never sees anything in return. In fact, they should have stayed playing the concertina for spare change because at least that job would yield some dividends.

Man, in some ways, I feel sorry for any sucker that falls for that garbage, but they should know better. Then again, at least they wouldn’t be doing my funky two-bit job…

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8 thoughts on “Not On My Resume

  1. Dammit, I hate that shit! As if being unemployed and looking for a job isn’t hard enough, then you get these assholes trying to scam you. Valerie should smack herself in the face…


    1. I had one call me before and I told him straight out that his company is a scam. He ended the call faster than you can say, “Well, we won’t be getting him.”


  2. you know it’s all just a telemarketer job and you would be doing the calling to ppl’s houses saying “DO YOU NEED HELP CONTROLLING YOUR DEBT?” or answering the automated calls that come from ppl getting them at home and waiting to have you take them off your list. which of course you will hang up if they try that, b/c they want to be able to call you back and bother you just for the fun of it.

    i get the car warranty calls all the time, EVEN tho my numbers are on the no call lists. both hil and i worked for a company called Opinion Research Company and we would call up ppl all over the place asking their opinions and they would say, “you cannot call me, i’m on the “do not call list”. well, kiddies just thought you should know that if they aren’t selling anything the do not call list does’t apply. the only thing they can do is take them off the list if somebody SPECIFICALLY asks them to.

    “i’m not interested!” (call back), “leave me alone!” (call back), “please take me off your list and/or off your database!” (no call back). you have to be extremely specific or they will keep your number til armegedon and back!

    btw, i was really good at the job, b/c i NEVER forced ppl to take the surveys and was always honest with them about how long it takes (both things are frowned upon by the company of course). i usually got little old ladies who just wanted somebody to talk to and didn’t think their opinion mattered to anybody. where do you think those CNN polls come from? right here in neveda and another place back east. i don’t mind those. also we did lowes, home depot and AT&T/southbell.


    1. Point missed entirely.

      I have no expertise in that field, no interest in that field and quite frankly, her call was a waste of my time and hers. But mostly mine.


    1. An auto repair shop wouldn’t hire an entymologist to fix cars.

      That’s the point.

      This message sent from my iPod


  3. So, I have this great job for you but I can’t tell you until you go to this party but I’m going to trick you so you don’t know it’s a party about the job or you wouldn’t go cause you might suspect what the job is…selling Amway!!!


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