Psychic Me

I’ve made it a habit to spend my lunch at the same place I spend 8 hours a day–in front of my computer. I’m bad, I know.

I usually check my e-mail and fart around on Fark for a bit. And it was on Fark that I found a story about former Married With Children star David Faustino’s brush with the law. His mugshot was a bit scary so I sent it via IM to my boss who I figured would enjoy the story, too.

A few seconds later I get a reply:

[boss]: that’s weird
[me]: what?
[boss]: i’m reading that story right now

Hmm…interesting, no? Would it surprise you that this was not the first time I’ve freaked someone out with my–dare I say it–psychic abilities?

There have in fact been a few times when I nearly gave Ann a coronary with my simple yet certain replies. For example, one day she and her co-workers were having a debate over something related to music so she decided to call me on my cell phone for a definite answer.

Ann: I have a question for you.
Me: (without hesitation) 1970.
Ann: What?
Me: It’s 1970.
Ann: How do you know?
Me: Because. What’s the question?
Ann: (pause) What year The Beatles broke up.
Me: Told you.

Here’s another one. Ann calls me on the cell phone again.

Ann: You’re going to be mad at me.
Me: Because you charged $22 on the Unocal card, didn’t you?
Ann: (pause) How did you know that?
Me: I just do.

That was at a time when we were trying to get out of debt by slowly paying off our credit cards; the Unocal card hadn’t been used in months. Then there’s this one that, after thinking about it, wasn’t as much psychic prowess as it was intuition.

Ann: Hey, guess what Richard told us today?
Me: He’s gay.
Ann: Yep.

It’s kind of weird when these things happen. There’s no flashing red light, no “feeling,” no trumpets, anything. In each case I just seemed to know what the answer had to be. And in each case I was right.

But don’t bother to ask me about lotto numbers. I don’t play the lotto anyhow. And as any psychic will tell you, the “gift” doesn’t work that way.

And knowing what I know, they are absolutely right.