The Time Has Come

Alright, as some of you may have noticed, I have been alluding to something that would be revealed in time in more than a few of my posts. Whenever the phrase was mentioned it was linked to a music video with the word “time” in its title. Cheesy, I know. But it kept your attention shifted.

So now the time has come for me to reveal to you, my six two loyal readers, what all of the secrecy was about.

I’m going in for hernia repair surgery this Tuesday, September 11. However, this is nothing new. It’s been a long time in the making. I figured that since I have medical benefits at work that will probably cover things, and that I really should be looking out for myself now that The Kid is getting older, now was the time to do it.

Some history. Basically, I’ve had it for some time now (and no, you don’t need to know how long). It’s extremely uncomfortable at times, especially after walking long distances or standing for a long time. And if you really, really need to know what type of hernia it is, Google “inguinal hernia” and stand back. You guys may cringe at the sight.

But not me. I’ve lived with it for so long that I’m actually looking forward to the surgery, to a time when I can wake up in the morning and not feel tremendous pressure in my nether-regions.

Here’s how the surgery will work. Believe me, I’ve done my research. And if you’re squeamish, turn away now.

The procedure is sometimes referred to “band-aid surgery” since it can be done on a outpatient basis and requires very little time and effort. It’s kind of the Jiffy Lube of surgeries.

Basically, a small incision is made below the abdomen, the intestines are shoved back up where they belong, a mesh patch is slapped over the hole in the abdominal wall and presto! they lace me up and send me home. No overnight stays are required unless deemed necessary by the surgeon. The operation should take no more than a few hours and I am required to stay for observation for another few hours.

Simple and painless. Well, maybe not painless. It will take at least two weeks for me to get back into the groove and I will be bedridden for the first two days after the surgery. My life will pretty much be reduced to sitting in a Barcalounger with an ice pack on my incision and manly parts.

This also means that I may be incapacitated to blog or check e-mail the first couple of days afterwards. (Hey, no cheering back there.) But once I’m able to, I will get back to doing my thing, enjoying some time away from work.  Not exactly the vacation I wanted but good enough…I guess.

The real trick will be keeping the animals away. Ozzie likes to use me as a pillow and climb all over me and sleep on my chest, Arliss has a tendency to get excited and jump all over people, and The Kid…well, he’s The Kid. We’ll figure something out. (Ann has already requested the time off from work; I’ve filed for disability.)

But why so secret? Simple. I didn’t want to post this until I had told my mom and brother since a) my mom is a notorious worrier and b) my brother is currently looking for work. I felt they didn’t need the added stress of this preying on their minds for a month (which is when I started going to the doctor for observation). I told them today so now all of you know.

So there you have it. This may give me a whole new lease on life, and I’m looking forward to it.