This post was inspired by a bulletin my brother posted on MySpace. I thought it was a pretty good idea so I’m going to do one myself.
I try not to throw out any hackneyed or biblical phrases, like the whole “judge not lest ye be judged” or “even a broken clock is right twice a day.” Jesus Christ, I’m Dave not Will Rogers, people.
So without further ado, here’s a list of things I say quite frequently. Profanities ahead? Oh, you betcha. Explanations follow if I think they are needed. In no particular order:
- “Live the dream, dude.” Used when somebody decides to do something so outlandishly stupid that I don’t even know how to respond.
- “Oh, balls.” A shortened version of “‘Oh balls,’ said the Queen. ‘If I had two, I’d be King.'”
- “Well, thank you, Captain Obvious.”
- “Thanks, I think” or “Thanks? Question mark?” When somebody does or tells me something that is questionable.
- “Go on wit’cho bad self.” When somebody has the gumption to tackle something on their own.
- “What the bloody hell?” With an emphasis is on “what”
- “Hah?” For when you didn’t hear something the first time. This is always said in the style of The Dude.
- “Do what, now?”
- “Who shot who in the what, now?” When someone explains something to you so rapidly that I didn’t get everything they said, which could lead to a Purple Monkey Diswasher if you’re not careful.
- “Great moments with Mr. Lincoln!” Surprise, excitement, epiphany.
- “Oh, fuck me (to tears already)!” For when you’ve just had enough, like with tonight’s Dodger loss to the Phillies.
- “Yoink!” Used when grabbing something, ala The Simpsons. (Many here were inspired by the show.)
- “S/he’s a special kind of stupid.” Usually used to describe our dog Arliss.
- “Bite me, jackass.”
- “What the fuzzy?” Taken from the Disney animated program Pepper Ann.
- “Well, that’s a bummer.” My way of calmly telling somebody (while shrugging) that the problem they just presented me is not as big as they think and they need to move on already.
- “Whatever with that!”* Immediate dismissal.
- “What are you lookin’ at, ugly?”* For people who are staring too much.
I think that’s all I got for now or at least what I’m willing to divulge. Should I remember more, I’ll update the post. If you feel the need to add your faves in the Comments section, the go on wit’cho bad self.
* Recently updated
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