Yet Another Request

As you know, your ol’ pal Dave will on occasion make unusual requests and thrust them upon the world via this here blog. And as is usually the case, the world tends to ignore him.

But here’s one that I beg will be heard and subsequently followed: Comic Sans must die.

No seriously, that font serves no purpose. It’s not creative, not eye-catching and, quite frankly, isn’t appealing even when used for stuff that is aimed at kids. It doesn’t look good in print, when used in a graphic or as <body> text on Web sites. And if you do use it, you run the risk of being ridiculded by those that know better than to use that ugly-ass font.

In case you need a refresher, here’s what Comic Sans looks like:

comic_sans_sucks

And to see just how incredibly awesome Comic Sans looks when used online, check this out.

So please, world, just stop using this atrocity of a font. There are so many other attractive, easy-to-read and more professional fonts to choose from that there’s no reason why Comic Sans should ever be used by anyone, even as a last resort–ever!

Oh, and going back to my old blog started back in 2004, this is my 500th blog post. Thanks to everyone who tunes in and listens to me blab about everything and nothing.

Here’s to another 500!

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Holy Hell! WTF is That?

shop_boyz_polyphonic_spreeNow that the holidays are upon us, the airwaves are getting crammed with commercials for new and innovative products that your friends and family will just be begging you to buy for them.

And if any of your friends just happen to be the Dalai Lama, a tall Jawa or short Kanamit, Mahalia Jackson, members of some comet tail-riding cult, Gregorian monks, or are planning to audition for The Polyphonic Spree, 2008 could be the year you play Hall & Oates by making their dreams come true!

kanamitLadies and germs, I present to you the Snuggie robe, quite possibly the strangest and ugliest article of clothing I’ve ever seen. Seriously peeps, forget Chia Pets, Clappers and K-Tel “Get It On” two-record sets–this thing takes the proverbial cake!

Touted as “the blanket that has sleeves” the Snuggie solves the age-old problem we all face: how do I keep my hands warm while not being restricted to the “inconvenience” of using a blanket?

mjinredThe solution is simple–throw on this blanket with sleeves and you’re good to go! And when I say “good to go” they mean it. The commercial actually shows a family of unfortunate souls wearing these ridiculous things at a sporting event where they looked like they would be better suited handing out leaflets for The Movementarians rather than cheering on their team. All they would have needed to make their ensemble complete was a pair of Nikes, the official shoe of the Heaven’s Gate cult.

1463_heavens_gate_468These things are just freakishly unsightly and downright ugly. Now I don’t know about you, but I think I’d rather be seen in public wearing a “Choose Life” or “Frankie Says Relax” shirt rather than these abortions of good taste. At least then I may only look slightly outdated instead of criminally insane.

And if any of you guys out there decide to buy me one, you’re in big, big trouble.

Check out the informercial:


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Giving Thanks

I’m thankful…

…to be alive to experience everything good or bad.

…for my son and wife that continually put up with my nonsense and still manage to tell me they love me.

…the hugs said family give me each day.

…my mom who raised two boys on her own after Dad died when I was 7, and always made sure we never fell out of line.

…my brother who played an important part in my life once Dad left us.

…my cats Ozzie and Cindy, our fuzzy kitties that, regardless of the kind of day I’ve had, have no problems climbing on me, circling a few times and purring themselves to sleep on my stomach.

…for the few real-life, carbon-based friends I have, all of whom have been by my side through thick and thin and know that if they ever need me, they have my cell phone number.

…and finally, for all of my regular readers whom I will not hesitate to call friends. You make me smile, give me wisdom, and make my days a bit brighter with each post or comment left here. You’re truly appreciated.

Yay verily, the Thanksgiving feasting hour is upon us. Be not left behind.

Eat, my friends–EAT!

“You Write Like a Girl”

Now what the Hell is that supposed to mean? I’m not talking about my style of writing (or voice) here or otherwise, but rather the way in which I actually put pen to paper.

I guess having legible penmanship was something that would only come natural to me. As a creative person, one that was interested in various forms of expression all of his life, I was always well aware of the importance of clarity in the message I wanted to convey. (You wouldn’t think so with the quality of some of my crap posts here.) Even before I took a drafting course in high school, I was already getting compliments from people about my penmanship, probably because I also used to do a lot of calligraphy when I was younger.

“You write like a girl,” they’d say. “I mean, guys don’t normally have such good penmanship.”

Um, okay. But allow me to even the scales by saying that I’ve seen my share of women with absolutely horrific writing skills, some of whom I work with–and one of whom is my own wife!

No, my writing is definitely not Palmer Method. (My mother-in-law will put you anyone to absolute shame in that category.) In fact I never write in cursive because I can barely read it myself. But I have four different styles in which I do write*:

  • Initial caps
  • Initial caps in italics
  • Upper and lower case
  • Upper and lower case in italics

While my norm for years was initial caps, once I became a straight proofreader I decided to ditch that style (at work at least) for upper and lower case in order to make things even clearer when marking proofs. That’s a case when, despite proofer’s marks, upper and lower case letters could definitely have an impact or could raise rhetorical questions. And when time is of the essence, sometimes we don’t have the luxury of dropping everything to ask a million questions.

The only reason I chose to bring this up tonight is because, as you can probably guess, I got yet another compliment from a woman at work about my penmanship. And in the days of e-mail, texting, and other forms of communication that don’t require using a writing instrument or paper, I’m afraid that the fine art of good penmanship will eventually go the way of the dinosaur.

But as long as I can write clearly, I’m pleased to say that I won’t be one of those contributing to its eventual demise.

* I’m avoiding posting samples. I’ve had enough bad luck with people pretending to be me lately.

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Large Detroit Car Company

In the wake of Detroit’s Big Three getting handed a giant FAIL in requesting their bailout, I recalled a clip from the very first long-form music/comedy skit video ever made.

It was called Elephant Parts, a project dreamed up by former Monkee Michael Nesmith and produced with money from his mother’s Liquid Paper enterprise. And if you haven’t seen it, I suggest you check it out someday.

Released in 1981, Elephant Parts rightfully owns a place in music video history for many reasons: it was visually spectacular for the time, Nesmith’s songs are fantastic, and the comedy skits are freaking hilarious. Sure, a little dated when you see them now, but still funny.

Nesmith also pokes fun of his own albums a few times in the video: his Live at the Palais album is used as a Ronco-type slicing device, and later he shows film “evidence” of his Infinite Rider on the Big Dogma being mistaken for an UFO. That skit contains one of my favorite dialogs:

Nesmith: …and there, he’s got it. (Kid holds up album) The kid’s got it. See?
Scientist: Holy smokes! What is it?
Nesmith: (Leans back, relaxing) Infinite Rider on the Big Dogma.
Scientist: What?
Nesmith leans too far and falls backwards.

I guess you have to see it to truly appreciate it…

One of the skits was called “Large Detroit Car Company.” Rather than give you a play-by-play of what it’s about, check out the clip below–and know why this was the first thing that came to mind about today’s rejected bailout.

It may have only been a comedy skit from 1981, but it really makes you think about things, doesn’t it?

To check out more Elephant Parts, YouTube is your friend. Note that it’s much better to view the skits in the order in which they originally appear as they segue perfectly into the next segment, which will make more sense than watching them out of sequence on YouTube. For that, I recommend picking up a copy on DVD. And I’m not saying 1981 was a long time ago, but I had this on Laserdisc*–really!

Speaking of cars, the L.A. Auto Show starts today and, although I’ve gone religiously in the past, I think I’m going to skip this year as I don’t believe that there’s any room for any kind of bravado or back-slapping from any automaker. The economy sucks right now, very few people are in the market for a new car, and I can put the admission cost of $10 to some better use elsewhere.

And oh…I’m not much to brag about things (uh-huh), but c’mon…

tony-school-4

Is this a good-looking kid or what? This was one of Anthony’s poses from his school picture shoot the other day. If this kid isn’t James Cash Penney catalog material, I don’t know who is! You can see the rest here.

That’s all I got for now. Have a great weekend, all. See ya!

*Linked for you young punks who don’t know what the Hell I’m talking about.


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