ZOMG!!! STEVE PERRY!!!11!1

Satire 1 Minute

Just the other day I was doing my usual perusal of search terms that people have used to find my blog. I find it fun and informative as it lets me know just how many fucked-up people there are in this world, even more fucked-up than myself.

I have, however, noticed a pattern.

Without fail, I get quite a few hits each day for the term “steve perry disneyland,” the reader desperately hoping they will come across some pictures of Perry eating a churro on Main Street or flashing his nipples at the camera on Splash Mountain. (It all goes back to that infamous post some time ago which has since been deleted. I even had people fucking e-mailing me after it was deleted wanting to know more. Holy Christ.)

But wait, there’s more! Some of the other terms people have used to find my blog have been “steve perry at dodgers game,” “steve perry sightings,” “steve perry 2008” and believe it or not, “where does steve perry live.”

And that’s when it hit me: you…you people wanting to know all this about Steve Perry. Seriously, what the fuck?! With terms like that being Googled it’s no wonder the dude wishes to live a quiet life!

Ahem. I digress. But hey, if it’s pictures of Steve Perry they want, it’s what I’ll give them. Note that these are all based on the terms that brought them here.

Steve Perry at Disneyland, eating a churro at the Haunted Mansion (enlarged to show detail):

Steve Perry being welcomed to Disneyland:

Steve Perry at Dodger game:

Where Steve Perry lives:

There’s a good reason why Steve Perry sightings are so rare. It’s because he lives on the moon, and his neighbor is Captain Zoom. And if you’re really good, for your birthday he’ll come down to Earth just to sing you a tune.

So there you have it. I hope you are all happy as clams now. And just for the hell of it, I’m not even going to be moderating comments for a few days so go nuts, you…nuts.

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Published by Dave

Married with one son. Likes donuts and long walks on the beach. Got tired of being fat and lost 100 pounds. Prone to using '80s vernacular. Works as a proofreader. Was an extra in a few TV shows. Tries to be funny.

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20 thoughts on “ZOMG!!! STEVE PERRY!!!11!1”

  1. From what I heard,Steve had more than a few churros that week he was our guest.
    And I sure hope he did not wear a Giants hat when he went to the Dodger game.

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  2. Omigod and ew. I worked at Chi Chi’s as a waiter for almost ten years as a second job and I know churros. Actually, that looks like a churro…And may I add that not watching the World Series sure sounds like sour grapes to me. I guess you’d rather be ratching Steve Perry eat a churro, eh?

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  3. @ my brother: maybe he had an apple fritter, too.

    @ Preston: sour grapes? Nah. I honestly haven’t watched a WS in years (since my son came along over 4 years ago). I’m lucky to watch what I do during the regular season, too. In fact, I think I’ve only gone to a handful of ballgames since he arrived. Priorities, good sir đŸ™‚

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  4. Oh, God. This was too funny. I’m a true Perry Addict, and I admit I was searching for Steve Perry….. and yeah… hilarious…

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  8. ahhhm!……I love Steve and I just maybe came across your site for that reason too but I did get a great chuckle while I was here…….Thanks

    Guilty as charged đŸ™‚

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  9. In his interviews he always talks about liking to make people laugh-and there are a few clips posted where he goofs on people. So I think he might get a laugh out of this one, too. I admire him for being able to keep most of his private life private. So refreshing in a reality show world full of people who have no pride, no boundaries, no life! Now, if only we could know about the much rumored album for 2010-just don’t get the churro sugar on my CD!

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  10. I saw a blog post link to a page saying something disparaging about Steve Perry. The post had been created two days before. I followed it — all the other people being maligned on the site were still there — Steve’s picture was conspicuously absent.
    It is, in fact, extremely difficult to find any negative opinions or nasty jokes about Steve. (Neal Schon gets to say whatever he wants.)

    Now, it could be that the man is perfection itself. Or it could be that he has excellent publicity people who keep on top of these things.

    But I betcha anything in the world the second anyone posts something less than glowing, the *amazing* number of extant Perry fans (mostly women) launch a denial of service attack and insist that the disparaging comment be replaced with a banner reading “Steve Perry is a sexy beast who will grace us with new music any second now!”

    Steve has said nothing but “‘lemme ‘lone!” for almost 15 years now, and there are Perry sites all over that still post updates when the man sneezes. The Perry Women are SERIOUS.

    Uh… yes, ok, that’s how I got here too… but I am just a casual Googler. You wait and see — Steve Perry will be pulled out of hiding by sheer force of rabid fan desire.

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  11. Oh, and as for razzing on people, check out this lovely rendition of Happy Birthday for a DJ who had been busting his chops. I have no clue when this is from, but it’s the kind of sensibility that does not fade with time.

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    1. No, nothing bad at all. It was just some misinformation that people went nucking futs over. Not like I said he was a mass murderer or anything…

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