More Random Thoughts

The mind of a writer never rests and as Ben Hecht said, “Every writer is a frustrated actor who practices his lines in the hidden auditorium of his skull.”

Truer words were never spoken and here’s a perfect example of that.

Below is a list of random thoughts much like the ones I posted here a few years ago. I don’t do this too often because I’m sure that one of these thoughts, one day, will be the one-liner that everybody and their brother will be saying once my screenplay gets sold and made into major motion picture.

You know, my screenplay? The…one I…haven’t quite written yet?

Oh, fuck it. It’ll never happen. And if it does, here’s a taste of what it may include. It’s not quite as long as my last list but in all honesty, I just needed something to blog about.

Enjoy what it’s like to be my brain.

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I have to get used to these manual-flush toilets. I miss doing the ol’ Shit-and-Runs at the other building.

Recycled toilet paper? Screw the environment! I want toilet paper I can gently wipe my ass with!

Sorry, I won’t be able to make it. I have some kind of -ectomy scheduled at the very same time as the department lunch. It’s pretty serious.

No, the real difference between you and me is that you THINK you’re funny and I KNOW I’m funny.

I didn’t lie to you. I gave you a false answer.

What the fuck? Is it made from Rearden Metal or what?

Peanut vendor: who wants a great big sack of salty nuts?
Blonde: why do guys always ask me that?

Okay, so…are you going to shut the fuck up now or what?

(Spoken monotone) LOL wut?

Her cubicle looks like a Princess Barbie playset and whenever I get papers back from her, they always have purple or pink glittery sprinkles and shit on them. And smell like artificial berries.

I’m a naturally hot person to begin with. I mean, just look at me and it’s obvious.

Woman: I thought you said you had a Porsche?
Man: Is this not a Porsche?
Woman: Yeah but I wasn’t expecting the one that Jake Ryan drove in Sixteen Candles.

Goddamnit, I’m a genius!

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So yeah, that’s about it.