Fictional Band Names

There is an area in our office that is affectionately known as The Trough. Situated on the top of a bookcase, it’s eye-level and hard to ignore. The Trough, as its name might imply, is the place where employees bring outdated, unwanted (and often strange) foodstuffs, assorted snacks, etc. for consumption. Everybody in the company knows we’re pigs over on that side of the building so they also contribute to the fray.

In casual conversation, I mentioned to my boss that the area is often home to “bastard candies” from Halloween or Easter and “unwanted cheeses” from Christmas.

“Bastard candies and wanted cheeses? That sounds like a band name,” he suggested. I agreed.

The conversation only progressed from there. We stated thinking of more and, as guys normally do when coming up with band names, had some fun with it all.

Then I started thinking of some of the ones I had come up with in the past. It took some time to remember, but I think I have come up with a list that is comprised of my favorites. In addition to my new creation of Bastard Candy and the Unwanted Cheeses, soon to be one of my Rock Band group names, I have…

Samoan Truck Jumpers: This one was inspired by a Samoan woman that tried to intervene during a high-speed chase. Apparently, her cousin was being chased by the LAPD and he had driven by her home several times during said chase. At one point he nearly stopped, and that’s when the woman tried to jump into the bed of the truck for whatever reason. Her attempt was unsuccessful for when she placed a foot on the bumper, the driver sped off and she fell ass-first on the ass-phalt. It was hilarious. And it’s my opinion that Samoan Truck Jumping should be sanctioned as an official Olympic event in 2012. Samoan Truck Jumpers is the name of my Rock Band group.

Homesick Honduran Clowns: Inspired by a headline I read years ago about, well, a homesick Honduran clown who decided that he had “made a mistake” by coming to the U.S. (see second part of article) and wanted to go home because he missed his family. Sadly, this isn’t the first time a Honduran has tried the clown approach. What’s up with that? Do Hondurans really like clowns that much?

Transsexual Taiwanese Kickboxers: Yet another one inspired by a headline that I read in the newspaper years ago before I knew what this series of tubes was. The article was about kickboxer Nong Thoom and while I do realize that she’s Thai, I thought “Taiwanese” just sounded better.

Oily Spotting and the Loose Stools: While watching a commercial for the Alli weight loss product, one of the side effects mentioned is “oily spotting and loose stools.” I know it sounds pretty disgusting but I thought it would make a fantastic name for a Las Vegas lounge act.

The trick to creating a humorous fictional band name is choosing something that most people wouldn’t think of. For example, Folded Clothes is nowhere near as creative as Super Mario Bros. Alarm Clock.

Inspiration is definitely where we choose to find it. And being that I’m still losing weight, I do my best to avoid taking food from The Trough as much as I can. But I can’t lie–I can’t pass up an occasional Milk Dud.

Hmm…The Occasional Milk Duds.

Do I need to create another Rock Band group?

UPDATE 05/04/08: Seems XBOX Live had a problem with “Bastard Candy and the Unwanted Cheeses.” Not only that, the name surpasses the number of digits allowed. But with a little creative editing, I got around it.