What Would You Do?

Rare is it for me to actually sit down and watch a television show these days, what with all those damned programs the networks would like us viewers to believe are based in “reality.” You’re talking about a guy that has never seen one episode of The Sopranos and thinks 24 is just one big snorefest. (Besides, homeboy is always on his phone. Verizon is definitely not his carrier.)

But I digress. While writing a post for my other blog last night, I occasionally watched an ABC News special called What Would You Do? As its name implies, the program–hosted by one of the ugliest mo-fos I’ve ever seen–let the viewer be a virtual voyeur to different scenarios thanks to the wonder of hidden cameras and actors playing the purpetrators, victims, or in some cases, both.

I only missed out on the final scenario but watching the others was definitely interesting. Here’s my take on them all, and you can have your say in the Comments section when the carnage is all over.

Drugged Drink: The first scenario dealt with a man drugging his date’s drink but here’s the twist: the first time the actor/victim is “drugged” she looks like she’s dressed for a date but the second time, she looks more like she’s ready for action right there on the beach.

While conservatively dressed, the people around her that saw her drink getting doped seemed concerned and did what they could to help her. (And if I ever talked to Ann the way Doug talked to his wife of 25 years, I’d whistle when the wind blew if you know what I mean.) But while she was dressed like a slut, only one woman thought what the girl’s “date” did was serious enough for her to tell her about it. In fact this woman even went into the bathroom to check on the girl when she said she was feeling ill after she took a sip from her drink.

What Would Dave Do? A cockpunch, another cockpunch, followed by yet another cockpunch. I would have confronted the dude, taken the drink and dumped it on his head (although the damage was already done to the woman), asked WTF his problem was, and then cockpunched him again. Never mind the fact that the actor playing the bad guy looked like Scott Peterson, quite the dick in his own right. Drugging a drink like that is a cockpunchable offense.

Did I mention he should have been cockpunched?

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Express Lane Cheater: The second scenario also had two parts. The first featured an old woman in a supermarket that only had two items and asked someone if she could cut in front of them. When they agreed, she calls her son over to the line–and he’s got a cartful of stuff. In the second part, the old woman is replaced with a pregnant woman who “didn’t feel good” but who pulled the same thing.

What’s strange here is that the reaction to someone sneaking a cartful of stuff into the express lane at the grocery store was at least 10 times worse than seeing a young woman’s drink get drugged. I mean, people were losing their freaking MINDS over this.

What the hell, people? Have you no priorities?

What Would Dave Do? Look, I’ve let people go ahead of me in the past and it does not bother me in the least. But if some old bat tried to pull this crazy shit on me I’d have to speak up and take a stand. And while I might feel an ounce of sympathy for the pregnant woman (only because I remember how Ann was during her pregnancy), chances are I still wouldn’t let them go. Smokey, this is not ‘Nam. There are rules.

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Line Cutter: In a scenario not unlike the previous one, a man asks to cut in front of somebody because he’s running late. The catch here is that by cutting in line, the dude becomes the store’s 5,000,000th customer. (I had no idea supermarkets kept track of such numbers, or knew exactly which lane said customer would be in so as to decorate only that lane with flashing lights and a “WINNER” sign. Watch the videos and see for yourself!)

Again, people get pissed off over this. As for me…

What Would Dave Do? True story. While in Las Vegas years ago, I plopped $20 into a dollar slot machine at Sam’s Town. I played it as far as those $20 would take me and on my last roll, I won about $300. A woman walked up to the same machine a few minutes later and hit the max payout–well over $2,500. An opportunity missed–oh well. So in this case I’d just let that $500 go, man. Seriously, that’s chump change. If it were $5,000 or more, then I’d be pissed off. But $500? That’s definitely not worth losing your head over.

You’ve heard my take. Now what would you do?

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