Big City Slider Station


HEY, BILLY MAYS! YOU YELL TOO MUCH! I REALLY WISH YOU’D TAKE IT DOWN A NOTCH BECAUSE YOU DRIVE ME FREAKING CRAZY! AND YOUR MIGHTY PUTTY DOESN’T WORK FOR SHIT!

Ahem, okay. I’m done yelling for now. But by now, I’m sure you’re familiar with “that loudmouth” as The Kid calls him, pushing his wares on just about every channel. And for the most part his products smack of the typical informercial over-the-top claims, like the fact that Mighty Putty is strong enough to hold two plates together and not break even when being used to pull a truck.

*cough*bullshit!*cough* My father-in-law bought some and that shit couldn’t hold anything.

But ah, Billy Mays, you hit the nail on the head with your Big City Slider Station, which Ann picked up today while out shopping. (She had been wanting one since she first saw them–and so did The Kid.)

You can’t really go wrong with this one as, well, all you do is stick the meat of your choice into the little compartments and grill for a few minutes. Once done, you slide those suckers out, grab some buns and condiments and you end up with oodles of these things:

sliders

The patties aren’t that big but I guess that’s the whole point of the thing. I opted for ground chicken on King’s Hawaiian Bread rolls, barbecue sauce, red onions, tomatoes and relish. Very, very tasty and quick! It looks like Billy Mays’ little griller could give George Foreman’s line of cookers a run for their money.

Next on Ann’s wish list: a Snuggie. Oh, I don’t want to hear it, Kimberly… 🙂

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The Almond Roca Theory


almond-roca1Just before we left work for our week-and-a-half vacation, I mentioned to a few of my coworkers my theory about Almond Roca candies.

Now don’t get me wrong–they are very tasty and very fattening. In fact, did you know there’s more fat in three Almond Roca pieces (15g) than in a McDonald’s cheeseburger (12g)? If that’s not reason enough for you to avoid eating one (or three for that matter), then perhaps my little theory will be. It definitely worked on my coworkers who sarcastically thanked me each time they walked over to that famous pink tin can for another piece.

Here we go, and you’ll probably figure it out well before I finish my story.

Dogs, as you may or may not know, enjoy eating anything they can find. Some of my dog Arliss’ favorite treats can be found in Cindy’s cat box which isn’t covered, allowing him complete access to Cindy’s litter-encrusted gems.

One day after shooing him out of the box for the umpteenth time, Ann asked me why dogs like eating cat shit. While the simple and logical explanation is that dogs are just fucking stupid animals, I had an epiphany and I had to share it with her.

“Maybe he thinks they’re Almond Rocas.”

You can thank me in the Comments section 🙂


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Taking it Easy


Here’s the deal.

My knees effing ache tonight. I mean, seriously hurt to the point of not being able to lift The Kid out from the bathtub after his bath/imaginary scuba diving expedition. I could attribute this condition to a number of things: it’s been cold, I started to walk again at work (and need time to adjust), or I’m just getting old. Hell, I only have 38 days of my 30s left so the specter of turning 40 is definitely looming in the distance.

With all of that out of the way, I’m taking it easy tonight and not exercising, either. I’ve taken some Motrin, I’m sitting on the couch with my legs elevated, both knees are wrapped in neoprene bandages and I’m covered in a blanket.

So what the hell does all that mean? Duh! I’m going to hit you with a salvo of posts! And here’s the first one.

For Daddy Night at The Kid’s school about a month ago, he drew a picture of me. Along with the picture was a little survey of things he supposedly knows about me, like the fact that I weight 30 lbs., have blue eyes and I love to clean the garage. (Not even close, kid!)

At any rate, here’s his rendering of his Dear Old Dad:

dad-meatwad

Pretty cute and not too shabby for a four-year-old, eh? I thought so, too. But then I started to look a little closer and realized I had seen this guy before:

meatwad

In the words of Master Shake, “Holy crap in a pita!” My son apparently thinks I look like Meatwad from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. I don’t know whether to be flattered or insulted!

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