Forget 2012–You Have 73 Days

Well, I guess I should have seen this coming. After all, I did warn you with my first post of the year.

But even before any of that happened, I had a clue as to what lie in store for all of us and if you’re thinking about the catastrophic events that await us in 2012, you can forget it.

Seriously, we’re all doomed, I tells ya! And as usual, I have definitive proof of what we’re headed for.

And here it is:

I saw this more-than-convincing sign while I was out for a bike ride way back in July, when I was unemployed had time to do such things. It was posted on a light pole near the grocery store so it has to be true, right?

Not thinking much of it (as I don’t with anything predicting the end of the world), I just shrugged it off and kept on riding home just as anybody with half a brain would do.

But what do those with only one-quarter of a brain do?

It’s quite simple, actually: you stop living and hit the road, like this troop of sheep have. (Seriously, guys, watch the video. It’s hi-lar-i-ous.)

Those poor saps have dedicated what’s left of their lives to spread the word of…whatever they are trying to say, and convince people that we only have 73 days left on this planet before the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man comes and destroys everything in his path.

See, here’s the thing. I have no problem with people preaching whatever the Hell it is they want. They have the right to do that just as I have every right to ignore them. But waiting for the world to end has been a waiting game people have played since Jesus was gunned down with 2Pac in Las Vegas. In short, the shit never happens because people don’t know dick about anything.

Sorry, doomsayers. You really don’t know shit. And should nothing happen on May 21, 2011, are you going to doubt the book that supposedly gave you the information?

I say it’s okay if you do – God wouldn’t create such a confusing book. Only Man would. In fact, if the bible was indeed the Word of God, it would probably only consist of a smiley face and the words “Love Each Other” because that’s how God rolls or should roll.

And you know what else? God would love you unconditionally regardless if you were gay, straight, or otherwise. God is about love and acceptance; religion breeds hate and tolerance.

The concept of a god doesn’t need a physical church or religion; only some quiet time and a clear mind. Try sitting in the snow-covered mountains and listening to the wind blow through the trees. You’ll find your god there and when you do, I promise you it will be amazing.

Instead, we have a book of nutty tales (a talking ass, anyone?) with cryptic messages that people have been trying to figure out for ages. Egos got in the way and then their own interpretations led to the formation of different denominations and as a result, we have religious conflicts around the world because of what people think God should or shouldn’t be and that, my friends, is one giant load of bullshit.

And if this is what being a Christian is all about then please, count me out. I want no part of that shit.

But regardless of what may or may not happen on that day, I’ve gone ahead and made a little countdown ticker on the right column. All you have to do is click on the aptly titled Highway to Hell album icon and see exactly how many days we have until…nothing happens.

Until then, look busy or something.

Speaking of religion, tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, that day when Catholics’ foreheads are smeared with charcoal as a reminder that they are “dust and dust you shall return” or something like that. Sorry, my memory’s a bit foggy after years of being away from the church.

And hey, since we’ve only got 73 days left, I might as well tell you what led to my departure from the Catholic church.

I was a good Catholic boy all my life. Communion, Confirmation, blah blah blah. I did it all. And for the most part, I felt as if it was the only way to be because religion was comforting for me at that point in time. No, it was probably more of me following Mom’s rules and not knowing any better.

But then it started to get a little ugly.

When I was in high school, the reality of my surroundings suddenly hit me at the most inopportune time: a party. I began to question my existence and if the things around me were real. Naturally, as this feeling progressed, it turned into “I’m going to die someday.”

Eternal darkness. Nothing. FUCK. Not now, I’m at a PARTY!

I started to freak out when I got home and Mom became concerned. Naturally, her answer was to take me to the church to maybe exercise the free-thought demons that had obviously taken over my mind.

We went to the rectory later that day and asked to speak with one of the priests.

As I sat there trembling in fear like a Chihuahua on a caffeine binge, we were told that we had to schedule an appointment and come back. So much for that. Mom took me to the side since, at this point in my life, I was sort of free to go to church as I wanted.

“You’ve gotten this way because you stopped going to church,” she told me. I disagreed.

“No, I’m this way because of church.”

And it was true. The Catholic church had taught me that, no matter what I do on this planet, I was pretty much fucked unless I followed all of those ridiculous rules. To quote Pet Shop Boys’ song It’s A Sin:

Everything I’ve ever done / Everything I ever do / Everyplace I’ve ever been / Everywhere I’m going to / It’s a sin

And that’s when my slide away from the church began because as all these thoughts started to enter my head, the teachings of the Catholic church started to look awfully silly to me:

• Confessing your sins to a mysterious man behind the curtain in the confessional, even creepier in light of the daily revelations of priests being popped for being pederasts
• Ingesting a little white wafer and wine that represent the body and blood of Jesus
• “Giving up” something for the 40 days of Lent, along with no eating meat on Fridays during Lent, as a way of professing your faith

What in the Hell does giving up Milk Duds for 40 days or eating Filet ‘O Fish sandwiches on Fridays have to do with anything?

But I digress. As I passed through this phase (although I still sometimes question my surroundings at the most inconvenient times), I left the flock – only to return a few years later, albeit briefly.

There were a few times when I was down on my luck and just needed to sit in the solitude of a church and collect my thoughts. I ended up driving to a few local Catholic churches only to find the doors locked.

It wasn’t already bad enough that things weren’t going well for me at the time but again, at a time when I felt the church should be my one point of light, they once again neglected me.

That was it for me. It was at that point that I chose to give up any form of religion and never look back.

And strangely, I’ve never felt better. As a matter of fact, most of my friends are agnostic or non-believers and we are some of the happiest people you’ll ever meet (despite my profane ramblings here) because we’re not buying what any religion is selling us. We’re free thinkers and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

Anyway, yeah, it’s late. Time for this heathen to go to bed – or hand basket, depending on what you believe…