Saying Goodbye to 2011’s Most Annoying Things


I’ve made my list, checked it twice, and am fairly certain it’s complete.

Said list is composed of hot topics in 2011 that gained much, much more attention that I honestly felt they deserved – so much attention that they need to be forgotten and never spoken of ever again.

I now present them to you, in no particular order, along with brief explanations/personal comments. Here we go.

3dtv

3D TV: Right from the very get-go, I always felt that 3D TV was a gimmick. There’s no way anybody in their right mind would want to nor should sit in their own home wearing goofy, high-tech 3D glasses to watch movies or TV shows. Those glasses, by the way, can run up to $400 a pair – a bit much if you happen to leave them out and let the dog find them. It just seems like a way to try and sell the public on 3D movies in theaters, then get them to buy the film on Blu-ray once released. It’s a technological money grab clusterfuck that hasn’t caught on and probably never will.

bieber

Justin Bieber: What else is there to say? Can we do our best to make 2012 and each year forward Bieber-free?

carmageddon

Carmageddon: Here’s an explanation for those of you outside of the L.A. metro area. Carmageddon (as it was dubbed by the local media) was supposed to be the worst, most intolerable freeway closure in the history of forever. Taking place along one of the busiest stretches of the 405, the closure was required in order to repair one of the bridges along the Sepulveda Pass and as a result, residents in the area were actually urged to stay home that weekend. Jesus, even Ashton Kutcher tweeted about the closure. It was to be that bad.

The result? Absolutely nothing. The repairs were made in record time and traffic flowed around the area without all the forecasted gloom and doom. In fact, there were joggers and cyclists who took advantage of the closure by running and riding along the freeway. (They weren’t even cited, which was cool.) Carmageddon turned out to be a gigantic joke, and a spectacular example of how L.A. media can turn the smallest story into a potential nightmare.

firework

Katy Perry’s “Firework”: Much like Jimmy Eat World’s “The Middle” from years ago, this song seemed to be featured in every ‘tween movie and no matter where you went, you heard I playing. All that aside, “firework” just doesn’t sound right in singular form.

friday

Rebecca Black’s “Friday”: Yeah, we all know the story of how it happened. Now let’s erase the song, along with its off-brand crayon-quality lyrics, from our minds forever.

kardashians

The Kardashians: I would imagine that being famous for nothing carries a lot of weight with it. I wouldn’t know. But if these are the kinds of role models we’re letting today’s young women look up to, then wow, we really need to reassess our priorities. Thank [insert appropriate deity here] I have a boy.

occupy

Occupy [insert city of choice]: Okay, occupiers, I get it. You’re pissed off. Who isn’t these days? But pitching tents and waving signs in random city locations will do little if nothing to persuade the Big Bank president from walking down from his penthouse to hear you out. He wouldn’t even waste his time micturating upon you from there because there’s a chance he might get his stacks of $100 bills, the ones he uses to light his Cuban cigars, soiled. I do agree with you to a point but it seems like nothing has been, nor ever will be, accomplished.

planking

Planking: When I first heard of this planking, I thought it was somehow related to waterboarding because it just sounded like some kind of torture device. Turns out I was wrong – dead wrong. This weird yet stupid phenomenon involves a jackass who is willing to lie face-down in an unusual (more than likely, very conspicuous) place and another jackass who will take the picture for them. And for what? To post them online as part of some kind of idiotic game. And I thought people in the ‘50s were stupid when they would stuff telephone booths for fun.

rolling-in-deep

Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep”: This, along with the aforementioned Katy Perry song, ranks up there as one of the most overplayed, saturated songs of 2011. And if you think you heard it ad nauseam, try living two houses down from a neighbor whose daughter sang it for a show and rehearsed it continuously for about a week. For those reasons, I’d be perfectly happy if I never heard it again.

tebowing

“Tebowing”: Much like planking, I took this term to mean something entirely different when I first heard of it. Namely, I thought it was some kind of cruel bullying game that kids were playing in school since I heard some were and still are getting in trouble for it. But no, it turned out that Tebowing was named after NFL player Tim Tebow who has made a habit of kneeling and praying during each game. Ironically, and unfortunately, Tebowing might just be the next form of planking if this website has anything to do with it.

Well, that’s it. Now let’s never speak of any of them ever again.

And have a safe, happy, prosperous, and Bieber-free 2012.

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It Started Today


July 16, 2004 was a day much like today, save for the fact that I was 35 and Anthony was still in diapers. Oh, and I was about 80 pounds heavier and had more hair.

The summer sun shone brightly and the weather was just right. Well, it was right for those of us that live in the city.

For those few that call the mountains and hills their home, it was the middle of the so-called “fire season,” a time when the media whips up their usual pointless frenzy and begins to report on what the fires are doing.

And as is always the case, the fires were burning. Duh. Fire Watch 2004 had begun!

So it was at that point I decided to do two things: first, I needed to stop watching so much TV news. The talking heads no longer did it for me. Second, I chose to start a blog to voice my opinion on the fires and the media’s coverage of them. I signed up at Blogger (because I didn’t know any better) and wrote my first blog post, entitled “Fire, Fire Everywhere.”

In the post I attacked the media’s coverage of the fires because frankly, it’s pointless. If you read the original post you’ll see what I’m getting at. They make it sound like the entire state of California is on fire when nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, I had people e-mailing me asking how I’m doing when I’m nowhere near any of the fires. That’s like me e-mailing my friend in Japan to see how he is after watching a Godzilla movie.

But I digress. Four years, over 400 posts, 10,000+ hits, two domains and two blog hosts later, I’m still at it but with seemingly less frequency than before. This could be due to the fact that I now have two blogs, which…I seem to have less and less time for these days.

Either way, I’d like to take a moment to thank those loyal visitors—all two of you—for making my efforts seem worthwhile. Barring death, injury or severe beatings at the hands of rabid Steve Perry fans, here’s to many, many more years of blogging.

Cheers!

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1/31/07: Never Forget Graphic


In the wake of all this madness that happened in Boston a few days ago, one clever Farker by the username of toonz created a spiffy graphic to commemorate the event which only seemed to cause a stir in that city–and weeks after the lighted devices were placed.

The graphic became such a hit that supporters of the suspects waited outside the court room holding them:

Never Forget!

I asked toonz if he would mind if I used the graphic for a new header. The answer was yes and it was done. Later that day, people began to use the graphic at CafePress.

But look at that sample. It looks like total crap that is simply being offered by an opportunitsic bastard that a) probably has ever visited Fark and b) knows little about Photoshop since the graphic is so miniscule.

And that kinda pissed me off.

So I took the graphic into Photoshop, proportioned it to fit a 4×6 template at 300 dpi, printed it on a 4×6 Canon dye-sublimation printer and attached it to a piece of magnetic backing. The result can be seen here (crappy phone-cam image).

Since posting that image on Fark, many have asked for instructions on how to do it. Well, if you just follow the instructions above you’ll be fine. And since I’m such a nice guy, I’ll even post the resized images:

>> Horizontal (290k)
>> Vertical (300k)

Note that these are watermarked with the Fark logo since that’s where it first appeared. It’s only fair, really.


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Ignignokt and Err’s Day in the Sun


Behold! The “suspicious packages” found around Boston!

This is an unbearable strain...

Being a fan of Aqua Teen Hunger Force, I thought it was funny as hell when I found out what the “suspicious packages” really were. In fact, I almost shot soda through my nose when I saw the video clip on Fox News:

Now bow your heads and pretend to be serious

But I can’t help but imagine what the common clave might have thought when they saw these Lite Brite-insipred promotional items glowing in the dark of night. And, once they found out what this was all about, their reaction to the show should they decide to watch it. ATHF is definitely not for the garlic-eating American Idol crowd.

See close-ups of the lighted dealies here.

In the words of Ignignokt himself, “The innocents shall suffer—big time.”

Indeed.

(Special thanks to Farker toonz for use of the header graphic)