Harmonix Announces Rock Band Add-Ons

Harmonix, makers of the rockingly successful interactive Rock Band game, has announced plans to expand its lineup of instruments, an inside source has revealed.

Speaking under condition of anonymity, they spilled the proverbial beans on several new additions to what Harmonix has referred to as their “franchise” game.

The Rock Band Flute will make players yearn for living in the past as songs from Jethro Tull are planned as downloads. Also packed with the Rock Band Flute will be a pair of kneepads—but boots are optional.

Rock Band’s Steel Drum add-on is sure to make a big splash as well, with the Star Wars hit “Cantina Band” and many Calypso favorites planned for add-on content.

As if that weren’t enough, the Rock Band Concertina will appeal to the oom-pah crowd. This will only lead to speculation that complementary “brasstic” instruments–simulated brass instruments but in plastic form–are on the horizon.

Rock Band’s mature fans will appreciate the Rock Band Wireless Keytar, an exciting addition that will introduce the synth-pop and electronic genres to the game, with music from bands such as Depeche Mode and Devo planned for downloadable content.

“The possibilities are virtually endless,” said the source.

Harmonix also plans polka yodeling, allowing previously reluctant individuals languishing for oddball octaves lively, spirited dancing all year-round.

More details and pictures as they come. Stay tuned.

(UPDATE: Please read the follow-up. Thanks!)

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Happy Belated Birthday!

Yesterday marked the 4th anniversary of Anthony entering our world and turning into the chaotic, fun, mesmerizing, confusing, aggravating, enjoyable, scary, outrageously fun and often nonsensical place it is today.

And we wouldn’t have it any other way.

It was four years ago that I got that call from Ann telling me to turn around and come home, and when went from somewhat irresponsible adult to a father that now had two people counting on him for everything. It’s a humbling experience and role I take seriously. It was also the day I cried when I first saw that slippery, strangely colored little baby being removed from Ann’s womb. Whether covered in goop or all cleaned up, I knew that little stranger had changed our lives forever.

It’s hard to fathom that he went from this…

To this…

…in just four short years. I now know what people mean when they say that children grow up too fast. While I miss that little baby, I look forward to each day when we learn something new, do something different, say something meaningful.

Happy birthday, kid! We’ll see you at Chuck E. Cheese’s on Wednesday for Birthday Party #2!

Oh yes, and baseball season has officially begun (in case you couldn’t tell by my banner)! On this, the first game of their 50th season in Los Angeles, the Dodgers beat the Bonds-less Giants by a score of 5-0.

You can’t script stuff like that. Here’s to what will hopefully be an amazing season!

Bust A Nut

The whole Washington Mutual ad slogan got me thinking about other dumb or annoying ads from the past.

And I think I may have found the crown jewel.

Back in the 90s there was a snappy radio jingle for Corn Nuts, in my opinion one of the raunchiest snacks ever invented or consumed by mankind. I can’t stand them and probably would starve if they were the only things to eat in the house. (By the way, these things are still made but Planters no longer makes Caribbean Crunch? How fair is that?)

At any rate, the commercial invited all listeners to “bust a nut” by opening up a bag of Corn Nuts. Maybe they were trying to expand on the term “bust this out” by busting out a Corn Nut after opening a bag, but if you listen to the jingle (and read the lyrics) you’ll soon learn that the writer of the song may have had other things on his mind.

Here it is, courtesy of YouTube. Of particular interest is the when the backup singers scream “WOOOO!” after the lyrics “It might be small but it’s a big impact!”

Such a peppy little tune. It may just become my newest ringtone, provided I don’t bust a nut when I answer the phone.

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“In Memory Of” Stickers

*grabs megaphone and steps up to the blog*

*a click, some static and feedback*

Attention, anybody who has one of those “In Memory Of…” decals on your vehicle.

Nobody cares. Seriously, nobody cares less than a complete stranger that chances are you will never pass on the street ever again. Your vehicular sentiment serves no purpose other than to draw attention to yourself and make people want to give you a great, big hug.

Well, it’s not working for me. I’m sure readers of my blog are already tired of hearing about how I lost my father when I was 7 years old, but I don’t go driving around with one of those pointless stickers on the back of my truck. My father’s legacy lives within me, not a thin piece of die-cut vinyl. And chances are he wouldn’t want that crap on my truck anyhow.

And I’m so sorry to disappoint, but if I had the gall to affix one of those damned stickers for each person I’ve lost in my life I wouldn’t be able to see through the rear window of my truck. Think about that, Junior Mint.

So here’s what you do. You pick up and you move on and you don’t turn your car into a rolling memorial to your loved one. Life is for the living so there’s no sense in placing the grim reminder of somebody’s passing on your car. It’ll only fuck with your mind.

And if you’re the Roadside Memorial type, you can knock that shit off, too. It’s just ridiculous.

Save your sentiments for the cemetery because, well, that’s where they need to be.

The world will thank you for it. Or at least I will.

*feedback and a click*

*steps away from the blog*

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That’s the Best They Could Come Up With?

Advertising agencies are in the business to cater to their clients’ needs in terms of getting a specific message to their target audience. Thousands if not millions of dollars are spent each year by businesses to ad agencies in the hopes that they will generate a message that will reflect the lifestyle of their targeted audience.

Meetings are held to ensure that the message carries a sense of clarity and that it promises potential customers that the business’ products or services are second-to-none. Calls are made and e-mails are sent. Suggestions are made, approved, revised, approved, denied…you get the idea. It’s a big deal.

And in the end, the result is usually nothing short of spectacular: The Ultimate Driving Machine. Like No Other. Expect More, Pay Less. Chances are good that without even Googling those slogans, you know which products or businesses they represent.

Then there’s the financial institution known as Washington Mutual. While they may have spent a fortune in advertising costs, their new slogan might very well have been thought up by a drunken janitorial crew at their corporate office.

And what exactly is their new slogan?

Whoo hoo!